One Of Your Girls// Gojo Satoru × y/n

17. Changes and Desire

A month later....

It is almost the end of this year, just a few more months to go, and it'll be the end of the semester.

   A few things have changed in the past month.

   I have now developed the habit to actually study, since I just gave my exams a week ago.
    Life has bored me so much, I study to make up for it.

     And due to the exams, I haven't been hanging out Shoko either.

     My hair has grown longer, and just two days ago I went to an ophthalmologist and he said I seriously needed glasses before my vision would further deteriorate.

  Shoko and Suguru have started dating now, which is the only good thing that has happened so far.
  Although I did see it coming from a mile away.

   But one thing certainly hasn't changed-
  My relationship with Gojo Satoru.

Now it feels like every interaction that we've had has become a faded memory imprinted on the back of my mind.

  
       Why did it change all of a sudden?

But by now,I've convinced myself that I will get over it one day.

   Who knows, maybe I am lying to myself.
So in other words, I've been manipulating myself into thinking I could actually not feel hurt anymore, thinking about Gojo.

   
   Let's not think about the fact that my heartbeat still gets faster at a mere thought of him.
  But damn, where did my self respect go?

This went both ways.

   He didn't make an effort to reach out to me either.

   He didn't show up at my door either.

He didn't text me even once either.

        Every now and then, I think he might want me to come show up at his door, but I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong.

    I surely would've seen any sort of sign, any implication, that he might want to talk to me again.

   But, again, I'm left with nothing.

One thing's for certain, and it's that

we don't talk anymore like we used to do.

I remember every time I'd sit and stare at my door, contemplating whether I should just ring his doorbell, with any sort of lame excuse I could find.
  Maybe I've ran out of sugar? Maybe I need a bandage?

  Maybe I miss him and I want to see him badly?

  No.
I'm just being stupid and delusional at this point.

It doesn't affect him, not even in the slightest way.

     I think of all the times, I'd look at him from across the classroom, and I'd watch him smile, talk to his friends,
talk to other girls, as if, I didn't even exist  in the first place.

   This accumulation of various events revolving around the way Gojo doesn't acknowledge me anymore, has finally left me to believe that I didn't, I don't, and I'll never mean anything to him.

   Maybe I  just needed to be pulled back to the ground from the sky.

I had been soaring too high.

And now, I watch you,
And I watch as things play out, like, so long,
nice to know you, I'll be moving on.
Or atleast, I'll try to.

     
   But somehow, whenever I close my eyes,
the limited moments I've spent with you come to life.

The short lived feelings I felt for you  in those few seconds ignite in my heart, as if I were to relive everything.

    And it makes me want to jump off a building.

     _________________________________

    "You at the back, y/n, I guess, since you're the only one left you can come here and team up with them" my history professor says, pointing at a certain place in the classroom.

I had been zoning out, so it took a while for me to process what he just said.

My gaze shifts to where he'd been pointing.

    My heart stops.

He had very inconveniently teamed me up with Satoru and a few others whose names I'd never bothered to learn.

Oh my God, I'm paired up with Satoru- fuck. I guess my prayers did finally work. Maybe I can finally get close to him, one of the girls thinks to herself.

    I suddenly feel a little weird.
I make my way to their place, and I see Satoru gazing up at me.

    I get butterflies. Damnit.

"All of you need to complete this group project by tomorrow, starting now. Make sure you participate with utmost enthusiasm and coordination. And also-"

The rest of the Professor's speech is drowned out by the overthinking that begun in my head.
     My hands were trembling as I took out my supplies.
   
    A guy named Damian began taking leadership and guiding us with the project.

  I could feel Satoru's gaze on me from across the table.
  
    I tried my best not look at him.

Remember, you're mad at him.

 

      We decide on a topic to make the project on, and all of us write down as many points as we could all individually think of.

   I keep noticing a pretty girl named Sana glancing at him several times.

  It's making my blood boil.
  

     But I sigh in relief upon seeing that Gojo doesn't even once look at her.

    My eyes slowly trail towards his hands, as he was jotting down some points in his notebook.

   His hands looked so attractive.

My eyes trace every single damn vein on his hands.
   
I want to feel them.

  I want to intertwine my fingers with his, and feel his warm hands in mine.

   I miss the moments where those very hands were wrapped around my waist.

I am dying to feel that again.
I desire the touch of those hands.

    He suddenly glances up at me, and I immediately shift my gaze.

Damnit. The fuck am I doing?

Snap out of it, y/n, I tell myself.

            __________________________

After about half an hour, the class ends.

    All of us pack up our stuff, and decide to meet in an empty classroom after all our classes were over.

    I look at him one last time, and upon seeing his eyes on me too, I contain my nervousness and get back to my seat.

    I make it through the rest of the day, trying to shake his images off my mind.

  And it goes without saying, that it sure wasn't an easy task.
  
  
    My last class ended a bit early, and the classroom we'd decided to meet in was right nearby, and I thought it wouldn't hurt to be a little early.
  So I took my stuff and headed towards the classroom.

   I enter the classroom and upon first glance see that nobody had arrived yet.

But my eyes tricked me.

  "Hey, y/n".
I stop in my tracks.

    "It's been long" I hear his awfully familiar voice again,

afraid to meet his eyes.....
 
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