rants

rant 57

thinking of how big the world is has officially ruined my mental state. every time I'm having fun I think of the fact that someone died at the same time I was laughing and suddenly nothings funny

I realize that every object in my room has most likely been used to off someone before since the world is so fucking big i can't even begin to really fathom it

I don't know how to start enjoying things again

I know that whether I was laughing or not in the moment that person died it wouldn't have changed the outcome, I know that just because an item was used in a certain way shouldn't taint my enjoyment because in the end I'm practically an atom in this whole wide universe and I shouldn't be thinking of unchangeable shit like that but I just can't help it

I hate how big the world is and saying that sounds so stupid but honestly I fucking hate it. everything I've thought before, high chance someone else has. nothing I do could possibly be original

I can't make a remote change in the world. me deciding to pick up trash from the floor on the way home won't pause climate change because it's all inevitable and out my hands

I can't do anything