Growing up is 2 hard

"Well there's a lot to unpack."

(July 13th, 6:00pm, Sunday)
Mentions of suicide, ED, crazy shit, trauma dump
Cadey's POV:
"I think we should all get our problems and past issues out, and leave them in this hospital room. This time tomorrow it'll all be gone." Tracy motions.

"That sounds sweet enough, who's gonna start?" Mrs. Curtis offers.

We stare at each other, "I think you should start, brother." She flutters her eyes at him. Berty didn't come see me until yesterday. I think I had really broke him. Well no shit, I would've been broken too.

"Past problems and heart heavy shit..." he thinks. "Seeing Cadey struggle has got to be biggest issue I've ever had in my life, because he's like watching a nightmare unfold and just praying he's gonna be okay. It's really worrying, actually." Then he moves onto himself, "The only other thing that comes to mind is my, biological parents. Obviously I never met them, but what did I do for them to just run away me? Was I that big of accident, that they wanted nothing to do with me? When I was younger that used to keep me up at night, and I think I told myself not to care because it's been nineteen years and they're still not looking for me... no one is."

"It wasn't you, adults can't get mad at a baby for being born. They had problems within themselves and each other." His mom assures.

"I guess so..." he obviously doesn't believe that. It's hard to, when your parents have never wanted you and make it obvious.

"Pick someone." Tracy tells him.

He looks around, "uh... You." He goes back to Tracy.

"Well there's a lot to unpack." She huffs, "Problems and issues. When I was a teenager I was super suicidal, for no real reason. I just wasn't ready to let myself be happy, so I didn't. I bullied myself, for things I couldn't fix and things I could. I made Tracy Wallace my biggest enemy, honestly. The only time I would leave myself alone was at dance, sometimes. And if I got genuinely distracted, like with the people around me."

"What was you bullying yourself like?" Johnny looked interested. I was too.

"Crazy shit. I mean, looking in the mirror and telling myself I was the ugliest bitch I'd ever seen. Not letting myself eat as much as I needed to because I don't wanna look 'fat'. Unscrewing razors, taking out the blades, slicing myself, and then hiding the slices under a hair tie and just pulling it back and slapping it. Crying daily, to the point of headache and fatigue. Not letting myself sleep when I was tired, not being able to sleep when I was tired. Giving myself anxiety over anything. Glorifying myself dead, and getting people to agree it was a good idea. Really just making myself feel bad for being alive." She nodded it off, too easy.

"That's not bullying yourself that is neglecting your body." Steve folded his arms.

"That was a lot, give me a moment. I'm invested." Johnny continued.

"I wanna give the moment because I actually cried in my bed that night." Mr. Wallace started.

"You cried? Over me?" Tracy squinted.

"Cried." Her mom added, "my husband was crying. I thought he was gonna die because I had never seen him cry and he was crying over you."

"You were fifteen or sixteen, and it was pizza night, and you know we get about three or four pizzas because all of y'all eat like pigs, and it just disappears cause you're young as hell. And that night you went to get two slices and I remember thinking, 'Tracy hasn't eaten two slices since she was in elementary school, this is crazy.' So I asked you and I said, 'is that all your gonna eat?' And you were like 'yeah.' And I was like 'alright' so we eat and you ate yours super slow because nobody else had only two slices. Then everything got put up and Janice was like, 'why are there still seven slices left?' And I said, 'Tracy didn't eat that much'. Then everyone went to bed, but we stayed until he living room to watch a movie and I looked over and you were tip-toeing, down the stairs, and you took the box and sat on the kitchen floor, eating so quietly I could've forgotten you were there and then you snuck back up to room, but the reason why I cried over it. Was the because it made me realize how bad off you were. Not wanting to let yourself eat, out of guilt. That was terrible. But anyway, that's my moment." Mr. Wallace sighed.