Hopeless Situation

Chapter 19

It's the Past but still the Present 

 

Sophie kept the box close to her as she stared at the open black sky, with the stars that acted as lights in darkness that swallowed the entire city. She was freezing in the cold air, with her wet hair blowing in the nights wind.

Nathan walked into the balcony silently, after noticing her presence there. He leaned against the glass sliding door that was half open, waiting to see if she would see him.

Sophie wiped away what was very evident as tears and turned around. She had heard him come in quite clearly. “You know Nathan, when I was 5 my mom gave me something like this. The resemblance is amazing.” She opened the box to show a necklace with a silver chain and a diamond pendant that created the letter “S”. She held the necklace in her palm and searched her neck for the necklace she’d been wearing for most of her life. And the resemblance between the two was beyond belief. “This was made like 20 years ago, but look at the way the S twists at the tips.”

Nathan could see, and he just nodded, half because he knew if he said anything it would be nothing but stupid.

“I’ve never taken this necklace off. Not since the day I’ve gotten it. Before I used to wear it because my mom gave it to me, and it was to please her. But now I guess I wear it to keep my mom close to my heart.” She was staring blankly at nothing in particular. “And for some reason it does feel like she’s with me. I know it’s superstitious to believe it’s because of this necklace, but I don’t want to take chances and take this off… just in case that feeling disappears.”

“Has your mom...” Nathan took a pause, wishing she didn’t make him say the word.

Sophie blinked then looked up at Nathan. “No, she’s not dead.”

“Where is she?” He didn’t mean to be intruding, but this wasn’t adding up.

“She’s in New York.” A tear fell from her eyes, and she gave a soft sniff. “That’s why we’re in this mess. The money I was saving was to go to New York so I could meet her, after a long 5 years.”

“Why? I mean, why isn’t she here?”

“Because of me… I can never forgive myself for what I did 5 years ago Nathan. I still remember hearing the scream. I was 18, he was 11…”

“It was a week before Christmas, and the planning was in full motion. My brother, Daniel, and I were busy decorating the tree with what were lights from the previous years. The same lights used every year for a matter of fact. The tree wasn’t the greatest either, small and weak, but it was everything that we’d ever wanted at the time. Our mom was on the phone with Uncle Tim, the one that walked me down the isle, and the conversation could be heard from the living room. Me being the keen beaver of the house would stay quiet as I worked just so I could overhear everything. The house was small, so it didn’t take too much effort to understand that what was going on in the other room was bad. Mom was screaming and Daniel wouldn’t stop complaining. I couldn’t hear what she was screaming about though. So I told Daniel that I’d be back in a second, he asked why but I didn’t answer. I wish I did. Instead I took the living room phone without being noticed, and ran to the field where there was still connection under a tree. I sat there and listened to mom and Uncle Tim’s conversation, I shouldn’t have though. It was about my dad. The man that I hadn’t seen since I was 7. He never called, never sent a letter, nothing. He didn’t even care that he had a son on the way. He just left taking everything with him. Our family was completely broken for a couple of years even after Daniel was born, as my mom tried working and taking care of us. Then things got better. She took a part time job instead of full, and we began to limit ourselves to the happiness that comes from being together. And to tell you the truth it was worth a lot more than any toy that the neighbors got that we didn’t. Anyways, so apparently my dad wanted to see me and my brother, and he had even gone to our Uncle asking for our address. He didn’t give it. My mom didn’t want my dad near us at all. Then Uncle Tim said that my dad had the right to see us. That he had been trying since the day he left, but my mom cut all connections. It wasn’t fair. The man I grew up hating had tried… I was mad Nathan. I was so mad that I stormed into the house and asked my mom why she did this to us. Why she blocked us from our own dad. She tried to reason with me, but I wouldn’t listen. I stormed out of the door, took Daniel with me and drove to who knows where. Then the car crashed. Nathan it happened so fast.  The truck came and smashed the car on the right….He was dead.” Sophie couldn’t continue. She was crying at the memory and the loss.

Nathan wrapped his arms around her. "Shhh Sophie. Just stop.”

 “She was in shock…so much shock… it lead to lowered blood pressure. She’s in anaphylactic shock! Because of me.”

“No. Not because of you. It’s not your fault.” He let her head rest on his chest.

“I lost my brother and my mom… I have no one Nathan. I need to help her. She’s in medical care. I send money every month, but never have enough to meet her. I know she hates me for losing her son, but how long will I stay away… I miss her. I wish it was me that the truck hit. She wouldn’t have been as shocked to see me go. She wouldn’t have been like this and Daniel would have still been alive.”

“Shut up. Shut. Up. Are you stupid? Why would you say something like that?” He forced her to look up at him. “Don’t be retarded.”

“You wouldn’t understand…”

“You’re right. I don’t understand what it’s like to go through everything that you did. You’ve had it hard. I grew up in a family where my dad’s name and wealth has practically shaped all our lives, thus it makes it hard for me to even imagine what you’ve been through. As you can see I suck at comforting people dammit. But listen Sophie it’s going to get better.”

 “My life better? I don’t think that’s possible. It’s just meant to suck… karma’s a bitch. I deserve this. Nathan stop trying now, nothing’s going to get better I’ve embraced it by now.” Sophie tried breaking away from his tight grip.

He pulled her back. “You’re so stubborn.  Ok… what’s my name?”

“I know who you are Nathan.” Sophie wasn’t in the mood.

“No say it. Say my name.”

“Nathan.” She said it not looking him in the eye.

“Sophie… Nathan will happen to you, because you have me.” Nathan brought her close to him and hugged her real tight awkwardly.

“That’s the worst joke ever.” Sophie sighed.

“I’m not joking Sophie.” He was dead serious. “I’m going to pay for your mom’s recovery and take you to New York so you could see her. I’m going to do that. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Your story touched my heart. Like fuck you.”

When Sophie finally looked up at Nathan, she saw something she never had. She saw him cry. He tried to play it off cool, like nothing happened. He brushed his fingers through his hair and looked away. Sophie got up on her toes and wiped away his tears slowly, not realizing that she had started crying again. He took his hand and wiped away hers. And after 5 years, Sophie finally felt like she wasn’t alone.