Another Chance for Lives

The One Who Caged My Heart

KARNA

The headache that comes from the hangover stirs my head. What was I thinking yesterday? Why did I sneak in her chamber? I should not be doing such things, things that can hurt her. Did I bit her hard yesterday? I contemplate my actions while rubbing my head to ease the headache. I need to do something. 

Later in the evening Yudhisthir came with Bheem  and Nakul and asked us to play a game of dice with him. There isn't much to do now. We have to wait for some months for the news of incomplete Rajasuya ceremony to quiet down. They are making real efforts for me to accept them too.
"It's a really good way to bond and talk politics. Brother's should often play dice with each other in order to be unbeatable while playing with others." He says.

"Jyesth bhratashree is really fond of playing dice." Nakul tells me and Duryodhaan.

"Jyesth bhrata is not me, its jyesth bhrata Karn." Yudhisthir scolds his brother.

"It's fine, staying as alliance is enough. You guys grew up together, I just came along few days ago." I say.

"No jyesth bhratashree, I am sorry. It's habit I need to fix soon." Nakul apologise.
I don't say anything or else Yudhisthir will start talking about dhaarma and what's right and what's wrong. He plays with Duryodhaan while the rest of us watch, he plays good and he is proud of it too. The weather is nice, the summer heat has reduced a lot, replaced by the calm breeze. 

Arjun comes in with a frown. "Nakul, can you accompany Panchali to the temple? "

"Which temple?" Nakul asks.

"The new Devi mandir." Arjun says and sits down.

"But it's still under construction, why does she wants to go?" Yudhisthir questions.

"She still wants to go and check. I have stopped asking Panchali 'why' a long time ago, I only follow her order now. I would go but I promissed Subhadhra that I would spend time with her and our son. Sahdev is busy with matashree. It's not near so she should go with one of us."

"I will go." Bheem says.

"No, bhrata Bheem. Nakul should go, Panchali doesn't get much angry with him." Arjun tells him.
"It's time for your pre-dinner anyway." Nakul teases him. 

"Why does bhabhishree favor Nakul? Share me some tips, Nakul. Bhanu is always angry with me, one of the reason I don't want to back." Duryodhaan's word makes everyone laugh.

"The trick is to stay friends. I know she's not going to choose me so we talked and I became her friend and now she complain about others to me. Now Karenumati also doesn't get jealous of her so I am living a quieter life than the others." Nakul proudly tells Duryodhaan. 

"But Karenumati is the..." Duryodhaan doesn't finish his sentence.

"Right. Karenumati is the daughter of Shishupal. The man who insulted Draupadi. While Karenumati is sad about her father's death. Both she and Draupadi doesn't blame each other, it was not their fault." Nakul says.

"Bhratashree." Nakul turns to me, "Why don't you come with me?"
"Sure, take bhratashree. He must not have gone that side yet. The scenery is beautiful." Yudhisthir says.

I don't care much about the scenery but I do want to see Draupadi.

As we walk out of the room Nakul tells me, "Bhratashree, you will love the place. It's near the bank of Yamuna and a small hill is there too. From the hill you can see a forest filled with exotic flowers. Panchali choose the place." I nod and smile, little anxious and excited to see Draupadi.

Draupadi comes out of her chamber and saw us, she's surprise to see me there but doesn't say anything.

"We are coming with you." Nakul flashes his teeth at her.

"Bring Karenumati also. She will feel better." Draupadi says.

The four of us with only 4 guards come out of the Palace.

"Are we really not taking the chariot?" Nakul asks Draupadi.

"It's not that far. You can come by chariot or horse but I'll walk." Draupadi replies.

"No no. How can I take the chariot when Maharani ji is walking." Nakul says. 

Draupadi walks with Karenumati in front of me and Nakul. We cannot hear what they are talking about but they giggle and laughs." I bet they are talking about me." Nakul says.

Draupadi and I didn't say a single thing while going to the temple. I just look at her from behind. I can see her face when she turns and talk with Karenumati. She often covers her mouth while laughing.

When we reach the temple Draupadi went in and look after the construction. She gave the food we brought from the palace to the workers. Karenumati and Nakul sat down on a big rock near the gate of the temple, waiting for Draupadi to come out. 
I stood near the stairs. She look at the temple, I look at her. Her long earing dangling as she turn her head side to side.
I won't be able to live without her. That time she left Hastinapur for Indraprasth, I felt like my soul left my body. I don't think I am for me anymore. I am becoming selfish. Without my permission my legs starts to move closer to her. 

"Let's come together once the temple is made properly." I stand behind her. She turns back and look at me. "Let's come again, just the two of us." I tell her, clearly this time.

She nods and smile. When she looks at me, I can feel my heart sinking. 

My heart was never mine to begin with. It used to be a traveller. Explorer of the worries, the resentments, the unknown. Now she has caged my heart and somehow it feels mine. Loving her is loving myself. Loving her makes me hope for a better tomorrow. 

When we came out of the temple, Draupadi says, "I want to go to the forest."

"We can't go now. It will be late and dark." Nakul tells her.

"But I want to go. I have been there only one time."

"It will be late, Panchali." Nakul says.

"So?" Draupadi raise one of her eyebrows.

"We will come here again tomorrow. Let's go back now." He pled but she's not ready to listen.

I want to take her but it won't be safe so I take Nakul's side. "We didn't bring any weapons since we were coming for the temple, it won't be safe. There might be wild animals."

"Okay but I am coming here tomorrow no matter what." She says and starts walking.

Nakul seems to be shock at how easily she agreed. "I was ready with a long speech but she agreed fast. You can coming with us tomorrow also bhratashree." He says.

While walking back, somehow Draupadi walks with me while Nakul and Karenumati walks in front. 

"Did it hurt?" I ask

"Did what hurt?" She says.

"I.. I think I bit you." 

"Oh.. No. It didn't"

I tease her, "Then should I sneak in again to bite harder?"

She looks at me, blushing.

"I am joking. Next time I come to your chamber I won't sneak in. I will come after getting my right to enter." I tell her, serious.

But she smiles and walks faster, her odhani dragging on the ground. I bend to pick it up and follow her closely. I didn't care if people see us. 

"Won't you let me come in?" I ask her.

"You can come in now also, Dusassan came in the morning." She says.

"Do you think the same of me as Dusassan?" I asks her again, still following very closely, holding up her odhini so it doesn't drag, even though I know she's just blurting out words because she's shy. But it's fun to see her blushing. 

"Do you want me to?" She reverse the question at me.

"Let things get a bit normal, can you wait for some more time?" I ask her. 

She nods in agreement.

"But if you say I can come in anytime I want then I shall come tonight also." I tease her.

She turn back and pull the odhini out of my hand and walks faster, her face red now.