Another Chance for Lives

Broken Unbroken

DRAUPADI

The palace is very noisy today. Even when it's filled with people my chamber usually is very quite. Maybe because I have the entire right wing to myself. I used to feel lonely but not anymore, I have gotten used to it, and knowing Karna is staying in the same palace as I helps too.

I step out from my chamber to see what is happening. The servants are moving around the things. I asked one of them why they are moving the things and they told me it's for AngaRaj Karna. "Maharaj Karna, not AngaRaj. Get used to it fast." Bheem orders the servants.

"Where is he moving?" I ask.

"Bhratashree wants Jyesth Karna to have the big chamber. It will be full moon in a week, it's an auspicious day too." Bheem tells me.
I don't think Karna will easily agree to it. He have his pride I know. "Did he agree?"
"They are talking now but we cannot postponed it anymore. Some Kingdoms, who doesn't like us are becoming alliances." He says.

Who? Is it because Yudhisthir didn't become Samraj? Is it because of me?
"What will happen now?" I ask.
He sighs, "It's hard to tell now, Panchali. Everything is complicated. Bhratashree and Duryodhaan have said they won't be the king anymore since Jyesth Bhrata Karna is the heir but he doesn't want to take it. He says he didn't contribute anything."
"But he did." I say. "I heard he help defend Hastinapur many times after becoming King of Anga. And it's not his fault he wasn't given the chance before that, or for Indraprasth."

"Tell me about it. That's why bhratashree Yudhisthir is angry at matashree. Only if she had told us the truth earlier. But that's not the worse part."

"There's more?" I ask.

"Mamashree Sakunee got the news about this all somehow and is very angry. He is with them. Dusassan is leaving today to meet him but God knows what that old man is planning now."

"He won't do any harm. Duryodhaan is also with us."

"Duryodhaan is the one who is stressed about it the most. He knows what mamashree is capable of."

A servant came running and says, "Rajmata is asking your presence in her chamber urgently. Everyone is waiting." Me and Bheem look at each other and walk fast.

Everyone is in the chamber as the servant said. A dejected look on their face.

"Come Draupadi. We were waiting for you only." Says matashree. I went to her, touched her feet and sat down near her. "Putri, according to norm you should marry my eldest son Karna also. And it's time you choose one of them to follow out your duty as a wife. It's been more than three years, we cannot delay it anymore." Matashree's words makes me happy but also uncomfortable, my husbands are here. No matter what happens or how we feel about each other we still are husbands-wife.

"What do you mean choose one, matashree? And Panchali need not marry again." Arjun's loud voice makes me startle.
"Arjun, we are all married to her. If Panchali agrees than it's just a ceremony, don't think too much about it. She will still have the freedom to choose. We all got married because of what matashree said, then isn't it necessary now also?" Yudhisthir calms him down. Everyone is waiting for my answer and I am afraid to give it. I look at Arjun and he shakes his head, his face filled with anger, hand gripped on the chair. But I know it's not only because of me, his anger towards Karna has not completely gone. More than his want for me stands the fact that now Karna will have me as his wife. Will it be good if I marry Karna? Won't it close the door to peace between these brothers forever?
All my doubts became clear when I see Karna. Whatever happens we will face it together. "I am fine with the marriage." I say.

Matashree hugs me. She knows I am happier than her but maybe this is something she wanted to do to get on Karna's good side. I don't care. I am fine with whatever motives she has, genuine or not. I get to be with Karna. I thought my answer was clear. Clear that I will marry Karna and accept him as my husband, the one I will be a wife to, not just namesake. But Arjun misunderstood. "After the marriage you need to make your decision fast, Panchali." He says.
"She will. Calm down." Says Yudhisthir.
Was I not clear? But it's not the time to speak up. Arjun stormed out.

"We have to do the ceremony soon. We have a lot to discuss also and plan our steps carefully." Yudhisthir says.

Karna joins me when I was walking back to my chamber. "Draupadi, I have to tell you something."

"What is it? Do you not want to marry me?" I ask.
"It's not that, Draupadi." He hesitates a bit.

"What is it? Don't make me more nervous than I already am."
"Will you choose me? Please be honest." He says.
He should already know this. "Do you not want me to? I don't want me to be a reason you and Arya Arjun doesn't get along."

"You won't answer this straight so I will just say. If you choose me, then I will be the luckiest person. I hope you will choose me. But I know there is a war coming our way soon. So just don't choose anyone until after the war. I want to win the war. I want to do something for this land, only then I will feel like I belong here. If I succumb to the war, then you will be lonely forever. If I win, then we can start our life together."

"What do you mean war?" I panicked.

"Don't worry. It will be fine. We have to bring some kingdoms who have removed their support."

But that doesn't calm me down, "Nothing should happen to you. Nothing should happen to anyone. We are following a weird system, yes. But they are still my husbands. I can't live if anything happens to you or them."
"Nothing has happened yet. Calm down. I only told you this incase you were planning to choose me." He holds my shoulder.
"Of course I will choose you." I say.
He smiles, "That makes me very happy, I can't even measure it. But it's war, no matter how confident I am I need to be careful. I won't let anything happen to you or my brothers. So don't choose me until you see me coming to you after winning the war."
I couldn't stop myself, I hug him. I press my face on his hard chest, my arms wrapped on his broad back as tight as I can. I don't want to let him go. I fear something bad will happen.

"Draupadi, someone might see us." He says but I don't let him go. I won't send him like this.

Later at night Yudhisthir came to my chamber. "Kalyani, what are you thinking?" He ask.

"Nothing, Arya. Why are you not sleeping?" I ask.

"Its hard to fall asleep these days." He says and sits down on my bed. He takes my hand and hold it tightly. "I am sorry I keep disappointing you."
"You didn't disappoint me." I say.
"I did. And I am disappoint at myself too. I always dreamed to be with you ever since I wed you. I always planned my life with you. But things keeps happening and it takes you further away from me everyday." His voice cracks.
I know he loves me. I just was not sure what kind of love he had for me. I feel a pain in my chest, not like the one I feel for Karna but a pain for hurting someone I love. I may not love Yudhisthir as a husband but I do love him. Three years it has been, how can I not love them? They are my family. We disappoint each other, we fight but we also love each other. Some love are simple, pure and easy. That's what I have for him. I don't love him as a friend, a husband, a brother but I do love him. I can't put a label but it's the kind of love you have for someone from knowing them, from understanding them.

"I always thought our children would be perfect." He says. "Your fierceness and my calmness, you quick wit and my thinking everything too deeply. Beauty would be all yours but I wanted them to have my patience. Our children would have been perfect."

"I agree. They would have been perfect." He knows. He knows I won't choose him. He knows I love Karna. That's why he wanted us to get married, it's not for some norms or rules. He wants me to be happy. I sob silently. A little for what we could have been, the greater part is for him and the hurt I am causing him. I will get to be with my love soon but he will be broken. Forgive me, my selfless husband. I can't give you my heart, I already gave it away long time ago.

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