Chapter 13

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Ruhani

"Don't feel proud of whatever you did, and yes I'm sorry of what I did there but you know why I did all these?" I said.

To be honest, I get shocked when he do all the things, when his hand touch my skin I felt goosebumps in my whole body. His touch make me loose my breath and my heart was beating at the fastest speed. He didn't notice all these and he'll never. He doesn't have any idea that how much effect he had on me.

Just by his single look I feel thousand of butterflies in my stomach, fuck butterflies I feel whole damn zoo there then think how much his touch has affected me.

I know he touched me before, in the wedding what happened, but that touch and this one was different. I feel concern, care, love in this touch while that touch was uhhh don't ask I don't want to explain that.

What should I called this damn feeling of mine? Love? Crush?

Bachpan se ek hi insaan ko pyaar kiya, I know this is so silly that bachpan mein pyaar ka matalab bhi nhi pata tha aur pyaar kar bethi.

I didn't realised this at that time but as time went, I realised my feelings towards him. I never feel the way towards any other boys which I feel about him.

I know we didn't meet eachother frequently because he always ignored me after that day but about me, I'm still the same.

We used to play together, laugh together, make memories together but the day when aunty left this world he distant himself from me, from everyone, even from himself also. I remembered he was not like this. I wondered what made him the person he is today.

I should be happy that I married to the love of my life but not in the way I wanted. This is all a drama which will end in two years. And in this two years I don't know how I'll control my feelings, emotions, love of mine.

I didn't realised when a tear drop from my eyes and I continued.

"Because of you, you are the reason for which I have to take this step. You make me bound to take this step. My life became a mess because of you. Everything that happened in these two days, the reason is you." I turned myself from the table where I was sitting and face him directly.

"You know what, you don't have any idea that what you have done. I have a dream to complete, want a proper marriage, proper love life to have but you, you make every single thing a dream. Aapne sab kuch barbaad kar diya. Mere sapne, mujhe sab kuch. I don't want to marry you isiliye ye karna pada mujhe. Kabhi jaanne ki koshish ki, hahh kabhi chodo, teen din mein shaadi kar liya." I take out everything which was inside me from three days, the hate.

But he, he listen everything silently. I didn't expect that. I thought he will again show his anger and do something which will hurt me again but I didn't care and bohut strength leke sara chiz bola. But he just listen without breaking eye contact between us. And when I realised that he's looking directly into my eyes I stopped whatever I was saying and then turn towards the mirror back facing him.

I expect action, like he did in the wedding but he didn't do anything even he didn't say anything. What's this behaviour. I'm getting irritated, atleast say something.

So you decided to stay quiet after what you did, ok then I'll complete your wish. I'll never talk to you.

Ese bol rahi jaise agr tum usse baat nhi karogi toh uska khana gale se nhi utrega. My subconscious mind mocked me.

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