The look he gave was hesitant, full of longing, longing to be loved to be known, but fearful nonetheless. I should know better than to push so far so fast. He was broken. He was hurt. We both knew that.
I knew that going into this he wouldn't be the same. How could he be after all he's been through. There's no telling what they've done to him. It's a miracle he survived given how we found him. For months he looked like a walking corpse. Skin pale and gaunt. Eyes sunken in and glazed over. If he weren't moving it would be hard to believe he was living.
There was a pain in those eyes. A pain that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't place. The horrors the boy must have faced are unfathomable and yet, he's still here. He stands in front of me defying the odds, refusing to give up.
That always was his appeal I guess.
Deku.
Dekiru
I can.
And he can. If anyone can do it it's him.
.
.
.
It was a warm sunlit day when they took him. It was summer break. They had just put in the dorms and the students had yet to move in. We were waiting to get parent signatures. Most had agreed but Inko Midoriya was hesitant.
She had good reason to be. Her son had almost died under our care. He had broken his bones more times than you could count and kept going until damage was irreparable without use of a quirk. It was a miracle the boy could hold a pencil with the amount of strain he had put on his fingers. He had used bones like ammunition. So of course she would be hesitant.
Any good mother would hesitate to make that choice. She was a kind woman with a good heart who loved her son with everything she had, which is why it was so hard for her to let him go.
The irony hurts.
I can't help but wonder if we had just been faster if that would have been enough. If we had just been a bit faster and a bit more diligent, maybe we could have stopped this. Maybe we could have saved him.
He was training alone on the beach that day.
He never came home.
I found him on my patrol a year later, beaten and bloodied in a back alley. He was shaking, sobbing silently into his knees. He was folded in on himself, curled in a ball on the ground.
When I spoke he recognized me. He clang to me like I was the only thing keeping him alive. I held him as he cried. He was so small. He felt like a child in my arms. He was a child.
He was just a kid! What did he ever do to deserve this. We should have protected him. We should have saved him. We should have done so many things, but we didn't.
To this day we have no clue how he escaped, we just know that he did.
I'll never forget his words: "Save me"
He was begging, pleading for me to help him.
It took a week for him to speak again and even then it was only simple sentences. He knows sign language but the tremors make it hard for him to sign.
There were days he went completely catatonic.
He's a shell of his former self most days. But there will be days, fleeting moments where I can tell he's in there. Where I can tell he's still with us, that he survived.
Today is one of those days. He's speaking today. He only really speaks to me or his mother. For almost a month he refused to talk to anyone else.
He still spirals into a panic anytime we're not there. I don't know how or why he chose me of all people to get attached to, but I can't say I'm mad at it. We take turns watching him. Inko works night shifts, I teach during the day. I stay with him after school and Inko stays with him while I'm teaching. Every time he spirals he shuts down. It takes a day or two to bring him back after that, but it's getting better. We've got it down to anywhere from a day to a few hours.
The first time he spoke with a classmate it didn't end well.
Uraraka needed counseling for weeks after that. She couldn't help but feel like she had hurt him in some way. She felt so guilty. It wasn't her fault, that's just the way things are with Izuku these days.
Over the course of a month he's gotten much better. He managed to speak to me in several full sentences earlier this month. It was the first time he'd asked for something since that first night.
As reckless as it was I couldn't stay no.
"Can I go on patrol with you?"
We discussed it with his therapist, who had made little headway given the fact that Izuku couldn't really communicate. She gave the ok. At that point we were willing to try anything just to help him.
We started by taking him outside to see the stars one night. It took a bit of getting used to but it helped. Then I brought him with me to UA's training grounds. He's still just as skilled as he used to be. Being back in his element brought out a whole different side of him. He looked more relaxed there.
In his element he was free. He had confidence. It was like he was an entirely different person under the mask.
He communicated strategies to me in a way I had never seen before. The training grounds became our home.
He was amazing. After a year of torture he still had it. He had his spirit. His drive. He had everything it took to be a hero.
So I let him join me. Things felt so natural, so normal. It felt like he was truly ready for things to back to normal. He had started to improve during the day too. He was speaking to his therapist. We even tried bringing in one of his classmates, Todoroki, and everything went great. He was starting to integrate with friends again, slowly working his way back into life as it had been.
Then there was today.
In hindsight I should have known it would be too much for him.
Sure he had gotten better at speaking with friends, but it was still sparingly and even they didn't get much out of him. Seeing him training I just thought it might help to get him back in the game.
I was wrong.
This was his first day back at school and let's just say it didn't go according to plan.
He shut down first period and had been catatonic ever since. We decided to take him home and now I'm sitting in front of him trying my best to bring him back.
I had managed to get him to move, but he was still nonverbal.
"Izuku"
He looked up at me as I spoke, tears welling up in his eyes.
"Hey kid, it's ok, you're here and you're safe"
His hands trembled and his lip quivered.
"Why can't I?"
He was speaking, this was good.
"What do you mean, kid?"
"Why can't I be normal?"
The tears started to flow. He was showing emotions. He was speaking. All good signs. He's getting better. I just have to keep reminding myself that.
"Why can't you?"
"I'm broken"
"You're healing"
He shakes his head.
"Hurts"
"I know kid, I know"
He leans into me, crying into my shoulder. A year ago this might have been awkward, but this is our new normal. I hold him gently, knowing any second he might break, that even the slightest thing could send his mind back there all over again.
"I'm so proud of you kid"
He looks up at me bewildered.
"Why?"
"Because what you did today took a lot of courage. It was a big step, and now you're back sooner than expected. I know it's frustrating, but you are getting better."
"I am?"
"Yeah, you are."
I ruffle his fluffy hair and place a hand on his shoulder.
"Now how does some roof hopping sound"
He looks up at me and smiles. It's a genuine smile, something I haven't seen from him in a long time.
He nods and runs off to his room to go change.
Things will be rough for a while. It will take time for him to heal, but he is healing. He is getting better. This won't be the end for him, I'm sure of it. And maybe it'll take time, but I'm willing to wait if it means I get to see the hero he becomes.
He joins me on the rooftop with that same smile on his face, hard to make out from under the mask, but there nonetheless.
If anyone can do it he can, and he will. He's deku afterall. Deku always bounces back.
