Endlessly

The Highest Highs and Lowest Lows

Three more days have passed since you'd expected Loki's return.

Your heart is black- your mind is even blacker.

He's dead. Slain by the giants- or even worse, by the bastards of Asgard that he called family.

Your insides twist- ripping you apart in a way that makes it nearly impossible for you to keep any food down.

"Miss Gersemi-" Bragi's voice- desperate for a response, cuts through your horrific visions.

"Leave me alone." You growl, pulling yourself up to your knees to draw the curtains- the warm glow of the sunlight has no place in your chambers- only darkness, sadness and grief shall live here.

"Gersemi- I know you're upset, but it's vitally important that you continue to eat and-"

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Your entire body vibrates with anger, or fear, or perhaps some complex series of emotions you do not yet understand. Your seidr- elusive, frustrating and blue- shoots out from every part of you, rattling the door and blowing the fresh stack of parchment from your desk.

When you're met with nothing but silence as a response, you weep. You don't want to talk- you want to be left alone... but by the gods, do you ever not want to be alone.

—------------------

You're quite certain your grief has turned you inside out when there's a faint knock at your door.

"What?" You rasp- eyes bloodshot from crying, your mouth dryer than Helheim.

"No matter what happens or has happened- Loki is a hero. He is a hero because you came into his life and changed him. You set him on a different path from what we all thought we knew- from what the stories had told us." Aster's voice, filled with more emotion than you're certain you've ever heard before, flows through the cracks around your doorway, wrapping around you in a gentle caress that you try to shake off.

"So, what you're saying is- I'm the reason he's dead." You hiss, shoving away his warm words and shielding yourself in armor of icy emotions.

"Gersemi, please. For the love of the gods, let us in. We're worried too. Worried about him, but so very worried about you."

You take a breath in preparation of your next protest- but just then a small flutter in your stomach distracts you. The flutter turns into a much stronger push, and then something more like rhythmic drumming on your insides.

The sensation makes you giggle. Your baby- Loki's baby is rolling around, happy, playful and hungry inside of you.

Oh gods. How could I have been so selfish? When was the last time I ate? Yesterday? Perhaps the night before...

"I'm so sorry..." You leap from the bed and stumble your way to the door to unlock it. "Please, come in."

"Gersemi- thank the gods." Aster and Bragi both barge into your room, nearly tripping over each other as they wrap you into a hug.

"I'm sorry." You begin to cry.

"You needn't apologize. My lady." Bragi wraps you in an extremely tight hug, twisting his fingers into your hair.

Damn.

They were genuinely worried about me.

More tears escape down your cheeks, and the boys quite adorably try their best to make them stop- wiping them away, telling jokes, and complimenting your appearance, which you know is actually dreadful.