LUCARIAH

The One Where I Meet Him

  I can't tell anyone how my stomach flipped when I heard his voice for the first time while I was awake.

I know now, that he was in the hospital while I was in a coma. I know he spoke to me. Told me that Lith liked me even though she hadn't met me and how his father missed me.

   Funny how I remember his sinister tone. Ezekiel hates me. There's no doubt in my mind that that man will go to any means  necessary to make me go away.

   Ezekiel believes that all his pain stems from me. How I wish he could see the world through another set of eyes, then perhaps his heart could feel a little lighter; heal a little faster. Forgive life, for it is terrible to hold a grudge against an irreversible act.

    Darla isn't coming back. And his heart will never heal.

   My body tensed as he walked into the room, holding a cardboard box of cookies and a coffee- all of which fell slack when he caught sight of me.

  His features shifted, becoming guarded and hostile, "what is he doing here?" He snarled, his eyes- mousy brown like our mother's- became harsh.

    Like the summers in our stuffy apartment; when the air conditioning was broken and we felt like the sun had a mission to melt us alive.

   Evan smiled pleasantly, placing a hand on his eldest son's shoulder, "he's staying with us for the time being, Samantha isn't a- how do you say...a fit parent. She's not taking care of him."

   Ezekiel fixed me a glare, "I'm sure he's old enough to make himself a sandwich and get to school on time; mom doesn't need to be breathing down his back."

  "And I'm sure your old enough to get your own place," Lith countered, standing behind my chair; a hand resting on the back of it, "yet here you are! So why don't you stop antagonizing your little brother and eat with us. I'm starving!"

   She patted her stomach and smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

   Lith didn't like Ezekiel; I caught on immediately. I'm glad I could share that sentiment with her.

   "I'm actually going to my room, I think I've lost my appetite." He glared at me again before stomping up the stairs. I could hear his feet pounding on the floor.

   "He's such a toddler," Ambrosia sighed, settling into her seat. "Let's eat."

   After lunch Christophen and Ambrosia begged me to join them in their room.

   "We'll watch a movie," Christophen tried, "any movie you want. And eat like your weight in candy and-"

   I shook my head. I didn't want the company and I definitely didn't want to see anyone eating anything else for the day.

   I decided to retreat to my room, falling into my new bed with a small "umph".

   When Cairo lived with me, he would lay beside me and we'd stare at the ceiling and talk about all the things we couldn't change.

   "The world is full of missed opportunities and regret. You know what I regret, Luca?" He's ask me.

   I'd raise a brow, pretending to be more interested in the glow stars on my ceiling, than to the only man who stayed.

   "What do you regret, pops?" I called him that because I didn't want him to replace my father- but I loved him as if he were.

   "I regret not meeting you sooner. I regret not getting to know the little Luca your mama likes to talk about."

   I thought about all the times she hit me in the year that came before meeting Cairo and I had nodded right along with him.

  "I wish we would have met sooner, pops. I think we could have probably went on that camping trip you keep talking about." 

    Mama said she didn't know Cairo well enough to have him take me up to a secluded place, alone.

   Cairo respected that. But the real reason was because she didn't want me to tell him the truth behind our lives. And I respected that.

   He had smiled and kissed my cheek and said we'd go after the baby's first birthday. And when she got older we'd take her too.

   I was snapped out of my reminiscing when the air in the room shifted. I sat up immediately to find Ezekiel at the door, watching me.

I raised a brow to which he sneered. "You know I hate you," he whispered. I nodded once. I knew it. I knew it all too well.

"Good. Lith, Chris, and Ambrose might like you now, but just wait," he stalked close, leaning down in front of me, "they'll hate you too. You don't belong here."

A knot formed in my throat. I knew it, but it still hurt to hear.

"Isn't that right?" His eyes, cold as steal stared at me with unmasked fury. "You don't belong here, right?"

I was startled to realize that he wanted a response. A fear settled deep in my stomach as I shook my head fast.

"I want a verbal response," he seethed.

I opened my mouth, but no words came. My eyes began to water the longer I tried.

His hand came down hard on the side of my thigh. "I said answer me!"

I winced at the pathetic whimper that slipped out my throat. I tried pushing his hands away from me; he grabbed my hand in a white knuckled grip.

My heart began to beat fast and hard. Filling my senses with its solid thrum. Slowly, I began to lose focus. Separate from myself as I did when I was younger.

It was second nature to do now.

I almost accepted my fate as I felt his other hand close around my neck. This is how I die. Officially. Not like the other times- life has spared me for this very moment.

Dead at the very hands that used to hold me so tenderly. Hands that stroked my hair and held me close when I was a toddler.

Instead of digging his fingers into my neck as I expected, I was shoved away.

Ezekiel stared at his hands for a long moment before looking at me. "Not yet," he muttered to himself, closing his hand into a fist and holding it up to his heart, "not yet."

   He turned to leave, looking back at me once more, "tell anyone and I'll kill you." He snapped, before disappearing down the corridor.

I stood, locked the door, and didn't come out for the rest of the day.