LUCARIAH

The One Where I Feel Left Out

Never. Ever. In my entire life, have I felt this way.

So helpless.

I was all alone before, but I didn't feel this ache of abandon. Ezekiel hates- that's not a strong enough word- Ezekiel loathes me.

I'm sure he spent his nights, wishing on all the stars in the sky that I'd vanish from his sight, from his mind, and from his home.

It's not like I didn't know how he actually thought of me. I just didn't think he'd be so open about it.

And Jericho. I don't have much to say about him and his subtle threat. "-don't disrespect my family again."

But they're my family too.

And it's not like I meant anything by it when I asked Evan to leave- perhaps I could have been nicer. But I was scared and I was feeling too much. And he was just there- watching me loose my mind.

What else did I have left to do?

  I sighed, making my way towards the dining room where I knew the others were. I had no interest in seeing Ezekiel or Jericho for that matter, but I was curious about Sophia.

  And anyway, Evan and Lith followed closely behind me. Nothing could go wrong so long as they were there; I think those boys respect them too much to make a scene in their presence.

"Well who may this be?!" A shrill voice announced as soon as I step foot in the dining room. A woman with orangish hair and fire red lips sat at the head of the table with two girls of similar age standing around her.

They shared the same hair as Sophia; and while the oldest of them had her brown eyes, the youngest were grey.

The oldest was around my age- maybe a year or two older- she strode over to me, gave me a look over and outstretched her hand.

"Hi," she smiled, a wired smile with purple bands, "I'm Blair."

   I raised a brow at her with an unimpressed frown. I had no interest in making friends with another girl my age; not when I've failed three of them already.

If she had any idea how awful I could be, I know she wouldn't be here- looking at me with that hopeful expression. I'm no good for her.

   She chuckled uneasily, returning her hand to her side, "right- you must be Lucariah."

   I winced- how I hate my name- and nodded. She nodded as well. I wanted to erase this awkward tension building between us, but I didn't know how.

   "Right," she repeated, "um- that's my sister, Natarie." She pointed to the youngest child, who was currently climbing into Sophia's lap; a thumb propped in her mouth.

   Too old to be doing that, I thought immediately. We were forced away from such childish antics; pulled away from pacifiers, blankets, and stuffed animals.

   "They didn't come here to see a group of babies." They'd scold when we whined for comfort. But that's what we all were. Babies.

   Not anymore. But once upon a time, we were.

"Um-" she glanced at Jericho, raising her brows in a way that said, I did what was expected, now what?

Jericho laughed, throwing an arm around the girl, "they're Sophia's nieces. She thought it'd do you good to be around kids your age. And Blair here," he smiled down at her tenderly, "goes to the same school you'll be attending! Isn't that neat."

I sighed at the mention of school. It'd been a few weeks since I last attended, and I'd hate to be the new kid.

"I think it'd be great!" Sophia beamed, "Natarie also goes there, but you won't see her much."

I turned to look at Evan, wondering when he planned on telling me I'd already been enrolled to a school without my knowledge nor my consent.

At least Samantha made it a habit on talking me into things- or telling me to do things more like.

I remember wandering onto the middle school campus on my own one week before summer break ended.

My mother said I could go to whatever school I wanted so long as it was within walking distance. So, I chose one that used to be a chapel. It was small and hardly contained a soul.

But it was precious to me, because it was mine.

I wonder if Evan got to see it or if Samantha closed off all ties for me. Or maybe I'm still enrolled, and my teacher can't help but wonder what ever happened to her silent star student.

It didn't matter anymore. I was two hours away from the place I once called home.

I couldn't help but notice the way Ezekiel was glaring at me, or the way Jericho stood his nose up in my direction. It made me miss the four lonely walls I inhabited when I lived with my mother.

   It made me miss my home.

  "I think we better start getting dinner settled," Evan's voice boomed through the silence.

   Blair stood straight with a smile, "can I help? Please can I help?!"

   Evan put a hand on my shoulder, "I think all you kids should come help. What do you think Luca?"

   I glanced once more at Ezekiel and Jericho before hesitantly nodding.

   Natarie frowned, "can he even help?"

  It was as though a blow had been delivered with the way they all chuckled. I wasn't invalid, of course I could.

Seeing the scowl on my face, Sophia scolded her lightly then turned to me, "it was just a joke Lucariah, no harm done."

My teeth clenched on their own accord. There was nothing funny about that joke. She's lucky I am capable of keeping my temper in check; otherwise no one would find it very funny.

   Evan prodded us into the kitchen as Lith stayed behind with the adults, and I couldn't help but feel a longing in my heart for something I couldn't quite name when the two girls immediately found their ground.

   They knew where all the utensils and seasonings were. They even had their own little aprons.

   I stood to the corner, watching, waiting for some sort of instruction, but I was at a lose. Eventually, I got tired of watching and turned to retreat to my room only to be stopped by my second obstacle.

The adults in the dining room.

I walked in with just enough time to hear Sophia say, "-he never should have came."

It was like a jab to the heart. This woman didn't even know me, why would she think for one second it was okay to say such a thing.

I almost rushed past in tears had it not been for Lith slamming her hand down on the table, "you know nothing about that boy. Don't pretend for one second-"

"And you do?!" Ezekiel countered, "that boy is a good for nothing murderer! He killed my girlfriend!"

"Late girlfriend," Lith snapped, "and it wasn't his fault- I don't know what happened between you and that boy but the feud has been going on for way too long. It ends now!"

In that moment she glanced my way and paled, "Luca," she gasped.

I can't say for curtain that I knew how I felt in that moment, I felt too many things. On one hand I just wanted to leave the world behind- but on the other, I wouldn't mind having Lith with me.

She looked into the kitchen to see Evan working in the kitchen with the girls, then looked at me, then back at the kitchen before letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Get a sweater, Luca. We're leaving."