LUCARIAH

The One Where It's Me And Her

    The wind and I could relate with another so well it was almost as though it were intertwined with my soul.

   The easy way it comes and goes, annoying some, refreshing others. The wind and I were one of the same.

   Lith and I cruised down the road in a red convertible, music blasting, Lith singing as loud as she could while I laughed at her antics.

If there was one thing to be said about Lith was that she was a terrible driver and an even worse singer, but I'd never had more fun then I did in that moment.

She turned down the volume at a red light, chuckling to herself, "we should go to the park."

   I nodded, reaching for the volume and putting it back up just as the light turned green.

    We arrived to a deserted playground in nearly thirty minutes. It was worn down and looked as though it hadn't been visited in ages.

  I looked at her with my nose scrunched.

  She laughed, "Luca, you're the cutest kid I've ever met." I felt my face warm at that, I'd been called a thousand things in my short life- but I'd scarcely been referred to as "cute".

  At least not so openly.

  "This is the park I went to when I was a little girl," she looked out at it and sighed, "it used to be beautiful. I guess all good things turn with time."

   "Weathered by the waves of time," I said to myself.

  "What was that?"

  I repeated the saying and sighed myself, deciding to tell her a little bit of where it came from. I think I could trust her enough for that.

  "My girl- um- my friend said that." Jinx and I weren't together in a general sense. I'd marry her anyhow. If it came to that; I wouldn't protest too much.

   There was I time I was convinced I had to.

   "She wants to be a poet. Likes to play with words and such," I cleared my throat, it was always hard to talk about her as I hadn't seen her in weeks and the memories attached to the twins weren't always good ones.

   "The first time she said it, she was seven," I continued, "I didn't understand a lot of the things she and her brother said, but-" I shrugged. I learned to understand it eventually.

  Learned to apply those saying myself.

  "That's so sweet," Lith cooed, "I wish I would have known you then. I wish...I don't know what I wish. I guess I just- I'm upset with your father. Evan should have told me a long time ago that he had you. But I guess he was trying to paint this image. A single father with his three grown boys," she sighed, a long suffering sigh.

That story sounded painfully familiar. I wondered then and I wonder now if Cairo ever found out about my brothers. What my mother told him when he inevitability confronted her about it.

  "I told him I always wanted a baby," her voice got quiet and her cheeks turned pink- she could hardly look at me, "I got so excited with the idea. But he always got all sick looking and refused, saying he was no good. In my mind I thought- how bad could he be if he raised three boys. I don't think I would have pressed him so hard, had I known about you."

  We were quiet for the longest time, staring at the run down park that used to hold all her childish dreams.

  She laughed to herself after a minute, "my ma always told me not to go out with those older men, said they already lived their lives. I should have listened." Her eyes watered then and I didn't know what I had to do to comfort her.

   I didn't know exactly how Lith was holding up after finding out about me. I saw her holding Evan's hand, I saw her whispering to him, and letting him pull her close.

   But I could never imagine she felt like she was just some woman he wanted to see in his old age. It was obvious to anyone with eyes and common sense that Lith was younger than Evan; I thought they were both happy. I thought they were in love.

  Lith just wants her happily ever after. And nothing seems to be going right.

  "Do you-" I groaned into my hands, thinking about how much I didn't want to do what I was about to suggest, "do you want to go for a walk? You could show me all the places you used to play?"

  She sniffed, wiping her nose with a napkin she pulled from the glove box, "yeah, let's go."

  We walked for half an hour before coming up to a bench. She motioned for me to sit down; rushing to a bush behind me and bringing a purple colored flower with perfect petals and even more perfect leaves.

  She sat beside me, smiling brightly at her treasure, "I used to bring this to my ma. She would sit right here," she patted the bench and looked at me with bitter sweetness, "she loved dressing me up in summer frocks and doing my hair up all pretty. She said I was her living doll. I miss my ma, I wish you could have met her."

   I plucked the flower from her fingers and brought it up to my nose. I never liked the smell of flowers until Isobella went on a whole rant about how good they smelt. I smiled to myself, wondering when I'd ever get to talk to her again.

   "Do you miss your ma?"

   The question alone startled me. Did I miss my ma? Of course I did. I miss the mama that would kiss my head and read me stories. I miss the mama I had before things went sour.

   She isn't there anymore and she hasn't been for a long time. She's as good as dead to me, but I still love her. I just wouldn't want to see her for a very long time. I could live with that.

   I didn't answer Lith's question; instead I took a breath and smiled, "if your ma could raise a great person like you then I'm afraid I wish I knew her too. Maybe she'd convince you to follow your dreams." I gave her a knowing look and she went right on blushing.

   She thought her wants were unattainable. But Cairo felt something similar until he had Isobella and his life was complete.

   She could run far away from here. Leave it all behind. Nothing binds her to the likes of us. She said so herself- she hadn't the slightest clue that even I existed. What other dreadful lies could her husband be keeping from her?

   "You're a good kid, Luca."

  I shook my head in protest. I wasn't; not even close. Good kids haven't done half the things I've had to do in my lifetime. Good kids didn't have stories like the ones I had to tell. I wasn't a good kid, I'd never be a good kid. I don't think I ever was.

  
   We sat in silence after, a stillness falling over us as though we were waiting for the world to turn sideways. Then a gust of wind blew all around and Lith smiled, tilted her head back and closed her eyes as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

   I couldn't help but go back to my earlier thoughts.

   The wind and I were one of the same.

   I think Lith liked the wind.