LUCARIAH

The One Where I'm Terrified

(Evan POV)

I thought I knew what fear was.

I thought I knew what it was when I was a child watching my little sister roll down the stairs.

I knew for sure I felt fear; true fear, when I was a teenager hearing my girlfriend tell me she was pregnant.

Then I knew nothing that came before scared me more than seeing doctors frantically smacking my first born baby around so he could make a sound.

But nothing, nothing, could possibly compare to the absolute terror that came from hearing the most gut wrenching scream come from Luca's room.

I'd never dropped everything and ran as fast as I did in that moment. I can't be too sure what I expected to find when I swung open the door, but the sight before me wasn't it.

Luca was laying on his side, his cheeks stained with tears; he had his hair gripped in his hands, his face scrunched and red.

Lith stood in the doorway, eyes as wide as they'd go when he said- in the hoarsest voice we'd ever heard from a child- "leave me alone! Please!"

It sound like he'd spent his whole life screaming.

My heart broke as I approached and he shot up, scampering to the farthest side of the bed. His eyes were fixed on me, but I doubt he saw a thing with the way his chest rose and fell. Hard and fast.

"Luca," I called, keeping a safe distance. His expression changed from fear to pure, unadulterated rage.

"Get out," he mumbled, his lip curled. His sweet face became cruel. An unfiltered version of what my son had become. When did this change occur?

  I stood in shock for a moment too long and he repeated his demand. Much firmer.

   He wanted me out- now.

  I just about fled the scene if it hadn't been for Ezekiel lumbering into the room, "just who do you think you're talking to?!"

   "None of your business!" He shot back, his hair was wild and his eyes crazed. I'd never seen anyone like this before. "Get out! Everyone out!"

   He and Ezekiel argued back and forth for what felt like an eternity. I'd never heard two people curse and insult each other in the span of a few minutes.

    They were two ticking time bombs. Each one reaching the end of their rope if it hadn't been for Jericho rushing in.

   "Ezekiel," he snapped, pushing his older brother away. "What's going on man! This isn't what I expected upon my return."

    "Tell that waste of space that if he can't respect the elders in this house, there's a whole land mine calling his name!"

    "Don't worry, brother," Luca mocked, "when I'm old enough you'll never see me again."

   "I hope the day comes soon."

   "Me too," he mumbled.

   Lith and I locked eyes; both astonished by what had occurred.

   "You just talked," Lith breathed, the faintest hint of a smile reaching her lips. She rushed to his side and pulled him to her, raining kisses on the crown of his head, "you just talked!"

   His face paled and his body began to shake in her hold.

  "What is going on?" Jericho sighed, scratching his head as he took in the paintings on the wall.

  I had completely forgotten that I invited Jericho over for dinner. It shocked me when he rushed into the room. It was if he'd been here the whole time.

   "Sophie is in the dining room as we speak," he gritted out, "we're going to go out there- on our best behavior- and greet her as we should." He shot a glare at Ezekiel; urging him to do as he asked.

    He fixed his youngest brother with the coldest stare I'd ever seen, before he turned to do as instructed.

   Jericho crouched in front of Luca, laughing as he did, "you've got quite the mouth on you, kid. I'd suggest not getting into an argument with Zeke, though; 'cause he'll eat you alive. Word of advice-" he patted Luca on the head lightly, "stay out of his way."

   His smile dropped and his expression became hard, "and don't disrespect my family again." He stood to his full height, side-eyed me with a raised brow and walked out the room.

Luca watched him leave, a slight tremble in his lip as he turned to look at Lith; whose hand held his in a vice, I was shocked to see his eyes water.

She pulled him to her chest and he broke down in tears. Loud, uncontrollable sobs reached my ears as she rubbed his back.

"It's okay, hun. It's okay," she repeated over and over. One part of me wanted to take him into my own arms and sooth him to peace.

Revert back in time to when Luca was so small three of him could fit in my embrace with room to spare.

A part of me knew he'd hate to be held by me. Luca loathes me; it seems almost certain, he wanted nothing to do with me.

Not for now, not for the rest of his life. I wished with every part of my being that he'd realize I'm trying. I'm trying to be the father I was meant to be for him.

  I need him to know that he was and always will be my little boy and I'll always love him as such. Even if we're a thousand light years apart.

   I swallowed my fear and sat beside him, lifting him so he sat sideways on my lap. To my surprise, he buried his head in the crook of my neck and held the collar of my shirt in the tightest grip I'd yet to see.

My heart became a drum playing in crescendo. Gradually becoming louder the longer I held him.

    "It's alright, Crow," I whispered, "I'm so happy to hear your voice, buddy."

   He sniffed in response and angled his face to the point where he was watching Lith.

   She smiled brightly, "I don't even mind that you yelled at Zeke. He needed a good smack or two on the head- but you didn't hear that from me."

   He chuckled slightly. His mouth moved slightly and his brows furrowed and he tried again, "you're-" he paused, lifting his head off my chest and staring at me, then glancing at Lith.

    Almost as if he were waiting for something.
  
   "You're," he tried again, "not mad?"

  "Mad?" Lith gasped, "why would we be mad?"

   He mumbled something then shook his head, climbing off my lap. His movements were robotic as he lurched for his crutches and fixed them on his arms.

   Without another word he sucked in a breath and hobbled out of the room.