Breaking the Ice | ✍🏼

26. This is It?

| Angus Armani |

"This Is It?"

Waiting, waiting, waiting, was all it felt like I was ever doing. I had gotten my final results on my concussion, meaning that I could go home in the next couple of days. But that wasn't what I had been waiting on. 

Early this morning, I had woken in the dark of the morning, to Analise climbing out of my bed, as she had to go to do the testing that would determine everything that she had been worrying about. She didn't know that I had awoken to her, and I would never tell her that, as she would feel awful for disrupting my sleep. 

But, see the things is, I immediately would change my sleep schedule for her any day of the week. I didn't care how little sleep I got, just that she got more than she would ever need. That was what she deserved. She deserved everything and more. She deserved more than the best, if that was even possible, but I would make it possible for her. 

I wanted to make anything possible for Ana. She just had this aura around her, that always made me smile. I know at some point I had said rude words about her, but I had never said anything about her behind her back or rumors. If anything, we had this usual banter between one another, where we would try to throw the other of course. 

No one would ever know how much those conversations truly made me feel about her. "Angus, why don't we go for a walk? You've been cleared, and I think you need to get out of this room" by being in the hospital recently, meant Alistair constantly around me, and the need to update our parents, who still hadn't changed any of their plans to be here. 

They never had and they never would. I didn't even know where they currently were anymore. I didn't care that much though, as clearly they didn't care much about me. Alistair tried his hardest to keep all of that away from me, but there was no need to do that. I could already feel how they did about me. 

"I promised Ana that I would be here when she comes back" I muttered back, keeping my eyes trained on the TV on the wall that was playing old cartoons. At this reaction, all I got was a sigh from my eldest brother, which was usually what he did with me now. I knew that I had disrupted his schedule, and the life he lived away from me for 50% of the day. 

He had been the one that had driven this career, and here it was, now being under his scrutinized eye after he told me that I couldn't screw it up, or everything that 'we' had worked on would go down the drain. Sometimes I think he lives through me, as Archer had failed too, along with him. 

They were the two that I had always packed my shit up for and followed down every dark alley and rainy day. It was always about them. At leas then, our parents had been present, and weren't gallivanting all over America and every other country that they could, for 'work purposes' and never for their third son. 

"Well, I was thinking of grabbing Archer and maybe some of the others to see if they want to come. I think some of them have finished their test" I knew what the test was without him needing to say anymore on it. I sighed back at my older brother, before I was climbing out of the bed, thinking nothing of it anymore. 

---

All throughout the lunch that I had gone too with some of the new boys, which I didn't really make too much conversation with, my entire mind was on Annalise. And a little on Aiden, but more Annalise. I just needed to know that she was okay and that nothing had happened to her. 

Which meant that whatever I was eating, was just being twirled around my fork. Over and over again. I had eaten a little bit, but I had gotten to the point where my worry was taking over anything else that I was thinking about. Yes, I was worried for the girl that I knew that she thought I hated her. 

I had tried so hard to get close to her, but I think it was more that she hated me than anything. But, I think I had cracked the shell a little. She was opening up to me, bit by bit. It was better than anything, and every time she said something I knew she would never tell anyone else, I grew a little more excited at the thought of it. 

She trusted me, and that was all that mattered to me. That was all that would ever matter to me about Annalise. Not the way that she looked or the way that she was quieter than the other girls, because she was perfect. That was what made Annalise, my Annalise. She had these specific attitudes to her, that was only something that she could do. There was something so special about the way she was different to every other girl, but she never made it noticeable. 

She never stood out, but she stood blindingly in front of me. "Angus, what are you doing?" are scarily familiar voice reached my ears, a voice that I hadn't heard in the past 6 and a half weeks now.  A voice that I had almost been wishing wouldn't ever come here. They didn't need to be here with me. Not now, not ever. 

The fork I was holding loosely in my hand, turned to a hard clench as I started to stab at my food. I didn't like where all of this was heading. This couldn't happen to me, right now. I had too much on my mind to be adding another thing, or another two people to be exact. They hadn't cared about me for so long, and now here they are, after everything is coming to a close. 

Everything had just started to settle down. I had already missed one whole hockey game, and that was already a red flag in my books. I needed to be back on the ice as soon as possible, and I would be this weekend, but I didn't need to add anything else that could be telling me not to or to either just go my own way like I had been doing so for most of my life. 

That was the child that I was. I had been left to my own devices for most of my life, and I always had my parents walking back in when it pleased them. They had done their chores with their two eldest boys, and then it was just me. Me on my own, constantly ganged up or left in the corner to watch. I was an observer, just like Annalise, my girl. 

"So now you care?!" 

---

thoughts? xx