From Death Unto Life

Ch. 7 Athos

I watched him storm away, hurt. I knew this was going to happen, but I still revealed myself to him. From what I could see he was thin, poor, and miserable. He was alone in the world but had no idea he was. He...doesn't remember anything, barely his own name. What happened? What happened all those years ago, when I sent him away to follow his dreams? My heart yearns for him, to touch him. But I cannot. I am forced to be separated by death. Regret distorts my reality, I play through all the different scenarios if I had just...kept him by my side.

And I was so close to him, so close to his touch.

He was right there.
RIGHT THERE!

I slammed my fist into the well, and I wished that it would break. I wished that the rocks would crumble, and maybe some water would spill out. But I CAN'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

The only thing I feel is pain.

"Quid inferno?! [What the hell?!]" I sank to my knees, hands clutching air.

My throat tightened, trying to make words, yet only unearthly sounds came out. Tears came, and disappeared.

"Eum amo... EUM AMO! [I love him]" I gasped, my panicked brain betraying me with Latin.

I made a mistake, I said something stupid again.

I'm just a stupid,

Stupid

Little

Idiot

Who doesn't know

When to

Keep

My mouth

Shut.

Breathe.

Except I can't. For obvious reasons.

Quare, quare, quare [why]?

But wait.

He's here.

There's a spark. A spark of hope. He can see me, I can see him. Oh, my love, my love. He's here. My darling, light of my life, bringer of truth, keeper of devotion, bearer of passion. My love, my life, my muse.

Oh, the things we would do. The things. You couldn't even imagine. The things we would see. In the dark, in the shadows, while we were alone.

The passion, the frustration, the longing.

I was transported to another world, another life.

The night before Helio left.

It was a jumble of tears. A jumble of tears and bodies.

I wanted to give him a decent farewell, and love him hard enough he would remember me.

And yet he doesn't. I wanted him to leave, this is my fault. I wanted him to live a good life, this is my fault. I wanted him to be happy, good Lord, this is all. My. Fault!

I should have loved him harder, maybe he would have stayed. I should have kissed him longer, maybe he would have given me one more goodbye. I should have taken his hand, maybe he would have looked back at me as I gave him his farewell on the train.

I should have stopped him. I should have saved him.

This is all my fault. All my fault.

We were too young. Too young.

And now my lips crave his, thirsting for the sweet spring of love. And they are too. Far. Away. Close enough to touch. But we are of different worlds, now.

I have to find him. I can't let him go again, I can't let him leave me. I have to keep him safe.