From Death Unto Life

Ch. 10 Helio

Cold sensations purged my body.

Chilled lips reached mine, moving ever so slightly.

Flashes of colour, rushes of sound, twitches of movement. Memories seeped into my mind, like cool water after a long journey. I stepped back, Athos' face began to take form, memories building the structure around his pale, translucent features. His sharp, pointed nose, clean cheekbones, full eyebrows, dark, almond eyes, and ragged, brown hair.

"Oh, darling," I whispered. "You are but the sun, and I a mere planet, revolving around thy grace and light. 'The course of true love never did run smooth'" The grin on my face grew bigger and bigger until I could not contain it anymore.

I shoved my face into his neck, squeezing my arms around him. His body felt solid, but there was no warmth like there used to be.
"Please," I begged. "I just want...you." I stumbled back, Athos with me, chairs strewn over the foyer. We were shoved into a small corner, mouths entwined, hands shaking. I kicked off my shoes and threw away my coat. With every movement, a small flicker of memory would play in my mind, memories of the night before I left. I remembered shapes, motions, sensations. My breath escaped me in short huffs, my legs trembling as Athos sent shudders of excitement through me.

Chilled waves pulsated through every centimetre of my body.

With every wave of happiness came a wave of sadness, tears and pleasure rocking my frail body.

I cried out a gasp. "Stop, please, stop." Athos sat up, backing away from me.

I pulled up my knees to my chest, which was heaving, tears dripping down from my chin and nose. I can't do this.

"I love you, but please... It hurts too much. My body's...weak. I haven't eaten in weeks- Not that I didn't like it-" I added hastily. The scratches on my back prickled.

"It's fine. If you want to stop, I will stop."

"It's not that- well... I really... really enjoy that, but...it's just I haven't really been eating well, so I co...get dizzy easily. Ever since I came back from the war, I've been in poverty. It's been fun." I gave a bitter laugh. "I did shit I wasn't supposed to. I'm just a broken tool." I shook. "I just need time to think things over. All of this has to come back to me."

I could barely meet Athos' eyes as he took my hand from my shoulder. "Take all the time you need, my sweetness. And when you're mine again, your honey will taste all the sweeter."

"See, that's the problem. I know I started it, but I feel... I feel..." I couldn't finish.

"Feel what, Helio? Please tell me, I need to know."

"I feel like I'm being used. I don't know what our relationship was like or how we went about doing things. I don't remember. But it can't go on like this. It can't be something we do for ourselves. It has to be for the benefit of the other."

Athos' hand tightened around mine. He handed me my coat. "I agree with my whole heart. Though, most of it would be of benefit to you, as I am dead, clearly."

I looked up at him. My lip quivered, threatening more tears. "Te amo." I whispered. His lip also trembled, his face filled with expression. "Te amo, Helio." I wiped my eyes and ran a shaky hand through my tangled locks. My shirt was soaked.

"I need to- I need to change."

Athos nodded and I struggled to my feet and stumbled upstairs. I glanced behind me and saw him staring into the fire. I hurried up the stairwell and into the room that once was mine. I opened the closet and scanned through the clothes, scooching the hangers along. As I pushed the shirts aside, a thick, yellowed envelope fluttered to the floor. I bent down and picked it up, flipping it over. Written across the front was...my name! In my handwriting!