A Dimensional Affair • Kylo Ren x OC

Chapter 16

I wasn't sure how many days had passed since the incident. I had barely left my room.

Yep, my room.

Ben had insisted that I could stay with him, but I felt sick. I could barely face Ben, let alone face the other Knights after Vicrul's death. His burnt skin and distorted face haunted me everywhere I went. It haunted my dreams. Granted, I didn't even know what the fuck I did or how the fuck I did it.

Not only did I kill Vicrul, but I destroyed Ben's right hand.

Obliterated it.

The hand he used in lightsaber combat. The hand he always used to play with my hair. I also hadn't seen him in person since I returned to my quarters, alone, that night. I waited until a medic was available in the training room and then I bolted, locking myself in my room.

I was a goddamn coward.

I had vomited in the shower as I washed the mixture of Ben's and Vicrul's blood from my body. Bloodshed that I had caused on my partner and his Knight. Since I hadn't seen Ben, I just knew his hand was amputated. There was no way to save it.

Ben made sure to have food delivered to my door every day and kept in touch with me through the data pad he left. Sometimes I responded, sometimes I didn't. He had tried to get me to speak to him face to face, but I refused. I also hadn't tried to do anything with the Force. I was terrified of producing that lightning again. As sad as I was that I had killed Vicrul, I thought about if it had been Ben in his place. That thought made me vomit even more.

I laid in bed, the sheets soaked with tears and wrapped in Ben's sweater. I didn't even know how it was possible that I could cry any more tears, but I did. I tried to fight the sleep, but I was exhausted. I began to drift as a loud banging caused me to jolt from the bed, almost falling in the floor. I realized someone was knocking. I stood, crossing the room.

"Who is it?" I asked, voice breaking as I pulled Ben's sweater down to cover my ass. I leaned against the door awaiting a reply.

"It's Ap'lek, Miss Ren." Oh, god. More tears spilled from my tired eyes as I thought of the Knights losing a brother. I heard him let out a loud sigh, "Maeve... Please open the door. It's just me. I want to talk to you."

I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my face as I opened the door. Ap'lek stood there, unmasked, and looked as if he had not slept in days. I crashed against his chest, tightly wrapping my arms around his frame as a sob wracked my body. He stilled, cautiously wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Ap'lek led us to the couch and waited until I slowed my cries before speaking.

"Mae, I know you are terrified and mortified of what happened. Vicrul was my friend, my brother, my comrade in arms. I have grieved properly for his loss, but you must realize that this was not your fault." I sat up in protest, however, I was cut off by his continued speech. "You are strong with the Force. Horribly untrained and new to your powers, but exceptionally strong. Force lightning is not something that is easily obtained. It is mostly utilized by the Sith or Dark Side users, both of which I know you are not," he said.

I nodded, pulling my hair to the side and twisting the ends, "I don't know what I did or how it happened," I whispered. "It's like...It's like something inside me is festering and I don't know what to do with it, or how to channel it."

Ap'lek agreed, "This is precisely why you must continue training. You cannot hide away from Master Ren and the Knights forever."

I hung my head, hands wringing in my lap as I considered him. Deep down, I knew he was right. I couldn't stay hidden away and I needed to learn to control my powers.