*Alastor voice* GREETINGS! IM THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE THAT I BINGE WATCHED HAZBIN HOTEL TWICE IN A DAY! AND HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS!
*Yeets 1930s radio at Val.*
SUCK A DICK THAT AINT ANGEL'S, BITCH!
Off we pop.
*spoiler alert, obvi*
Favourite character: Angel Dust.
He is my son, and he doesn't deserve this shit.
When I watched the pilot episode, I thought he'd just by some horny, drug addict flirt machine. And that would have been fine, but then they gave him real depth and made him a complex character.
He also had some of the most hilarious lines. Observe! Probably got them wrong, but you get the gist.
Can't spell his name: *borderline killing him*
Angel: harder daddy
Angel: I like to suck-
Husk: if you say dicks, I swear to god
Angel: popsicles!
Alastor: what can you do?
Angel: I can suck your dick
Alastor: *killing some dude*
Charlie: Alastor! I think he's had enough!
Angel: nah. He's got a few more hits in him.
Angel: *the worst fucking acting* oh noooooooo. So many burglarssssss
Some guy: *steals Angel's drugs then gets crushed and fucking dies*
Angel: *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!* MY DRUGS!
So yeah. Love Angel Dust. He deserves the (Valentino-less) world. He reminds me of my OC Emily. Like, they're nearly the exact same person.
Least favourite character: VALENTINOOOOOO
FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU THINK YOU CAN BE A TRIPLE FUCKING THREAT WHEN IT COMES TO ABUSING ANGEL WITHOUT ME PUNCHING YOUR FUCKING FACE? YOU DONT DESERVE THAT FUR FUCKING COAT! I HOPE YOU EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING YOU PUT ANGEL THROUGH YOU SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIITCH
I HOPE YOU DOUBLE DIE AND GO TO DOUBLE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Favourite song: either Respectless or Loser, baby
I'll give my thoughts on both.
Respectless is just such a bop. Velvette is a seriously underrated character. She really is the backbone of the Vs. I quote the 'I'm a hashtag bitch' so much
Loser, baby is just so fricking amazing. I love how you think it's gonna be all 'you rock. Everything is awesome' but then NOPE! YOU'RE A FUCKED UP LITTLE WHINEY BITCH
Fave ship: Angel X Husk (I have dubbed them Husk Dust.)
Loser, baby was a gay love song and you CANNOT CONVINCE ME THAT IT WASN'T
Here's just thoughts on random characters
Alastor
Oh my gooooood, I love this man (no romo. He's aroace.) I love how little he tries to hide that he's evil. He's the embodiment of a chaotic character. And his VOICE. I loved that he sounds like some old radio broadcaster.
Fave lines (probably wrong. Very sorry.
WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTHING??? SHEER AND UTTER BOREDOM!
Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud. They say the family you choose is better.
Can you butt out of my song? 😘
*After a singing battle and an angel head was thrown onto the table* What a productive meeting!
*holds up a scrap of fabric snake guy ripped off his coat* wow, no one's ever managed to get this much off me! It must mean a lot to you! *fucking burns it*
Charlie
Me after watching the first episode: fuck, is she gonna be a Mary-Sue?
Me at the end: fuck off lucy, she's my daughter now
I love this girl. She answers the question no one had, which was 'what if a Disney princess lived in hell?'
And her little drawings 😭😭😭
Fave lines
Inside of every demon there's a rainbow!!!!!
*after seeing Val be himself* WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN TREAT HIM LIKE THAT?
(Go off queen, protect the besties.)
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Vaggie! The radio demon's on our doorstep!
Lucifer
He is the KING OF THE RUBBER DUCKS!
I love his character design (that hat 👌👌👌) and it's so funny how he is like, the opposite of all depictions of Lucifer
Fave lines
BEHOLD! THE MAGICTASTICAL BACKFLIPPING RUBBER DUCK! THAT SPITS FIRE!
This is the first time she's called you in years... this has to be perfect! *answers phone* heyyyyy bitch! *instant regret*
TAKE THAT DEPRESSION! *kicks rubber duck*
Lucifer: I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU!
Everyone:
Charlie: *whispering* dad, it's 'fuck you up'
Lucifer: what'd I say?
I'm grateful you're my daughter more than anything
Not technically a line, but...
Lucifer: *bitch, I have a violin*
Alastor: *bitch, I have a piano*
Lucifer: *bitch, I have a fucking ACCORDION*
Adam
He answers the question no one was asking, which was 'what if a Disney villain lived in heaven?'
He's hilarious, but not so comedic that he isn't threatening.
Fave lines
BOW NOW NOW NOW NOW GUITAR SOLO FUCK YEAH!
Danger tits
(Pht 😭👌)
I GOT YOU AGAIN BITCH!
I love this show. Maybe I'll do a book for it. Idk.
