𝗠𝗬 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡 | 𝗝𝗨𝗗𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗛𝗔𝗠

32.

Jude

My time in England is coming to a close. Flights booked for a few days time, back to Madrid. My new home.

If I'm honest, I'm happy to go back. Think my heart needs a rest from the turmoil it's been in since New Year's Eve.

But of course, I'm happy she's happy. It's one of my only my concerns.

I have a session with my therapist a bit later today. Thought it was the healthy thing to do. Talk to her about how I'm feeling, rather than shut down and say screw you to the world.

Wrote out how I felt too.

Not in a letter format this time. Think the letter I wrote Harmony is the only one I'll ever need to write. Explains how I feel about her in great detail.

I started journaling. Jotting down my feelings and shit. Surprisingly very helpful and healthy.

I'm trying. Really am. And there's still a bit of a way to go. Still feel depressed on days and anxious and overthink. But it's a lot better than before. And now I know I can open up to people around me and I don't have to be strong all of the time.

Mid packing my doorbell rings and I'm slightly annoyed because no one's home so I have to stop what I'm doing and get it.

Grumpily I shoot down the stairs, open the door to see the last person I was expecting.

"Hey." The most perfect girl in the world says.

"Hi." Hearts going crazy in my chest.

"This is weird and random, but do you wanna go for a walk?"

A walk? She doesn't do that shit unless there's food or shopping involved. Something must be up.

"Course." I'd never say no to her. Be crazy to.

"Come in, I'll get my coat." Step back and let her in. Feels weird. Even though she was here for Christmas Eve. Us two being alone in my house feels like old times.

She shyly steps in, head ducked. Acting as if she's never been here before. Adorable though.

I jog back up the stairs, grab my coat as fast as I can. Peer over at the letter waiting patiently on my desk to be given away to my favourite girl.

Not yet. I'll know when.

Leave my room and rejoin her downstairs.

"We can go for a walk to that little cafe that's ten minutes away? Take the scenic route?" I offer.

She smiles happily. "Sure."

I open the door for her, let her walk out first. Stomach goes a bit weird when I do. Think it's Ptsd. Couldn't look at the front door at my Madrid house  for a few months after her and I broke up. Would walk down the stairs eyes glued to my feet. Heart lurching every time I stepped out of it.

I close the door behind me and it just feels good to be with her on the other end of it. Leaving with her instead of watching her leave me.