𝗠𝗬 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡 | 𝗝𝗨𝗗𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗛𝗔𝗠

33.

Harmony

It's been a month since Jude went back to Madrid and I ended things with Rome.

Haven't heard from him. Rome. Not the I expect to. Kind of did break his heart because I'm still in love with my ex. Can't imagine how he feels. Feel a bit shit actually whenever I think about him. See his face fall again and again the longer I do think about him.

Hurts more knowing he was expecting it I think. Can't even imagine being in that situation where you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Well actually, that's not entirely true. I sometimes felt that way with Jude. Not because of anything he'd done. He always made me feel secure. My paranoia of Jude leaving was all down to my abandonment issues.

Jude and I have spoken. We speak almost everyday actually. We're quite good friends. Managed to find our footing. How we are with each other. It's nice.

With Leah today. We're out at lunch. She's treating me to lunch actually. Her way of saying she's extremely proud of me for managing to land a possible new project with Burberry.

They're taking me out for a business dinner tonight to discuss us possibly collabing.

"The date was amazing." Leah beams. She's been speaking about her and Toby's date for the last twenty minutes. Still surprised about them two. Very fond of them together though. Leah goes all shy when speaking about him. Avoids eye contact.

A way I've never seen her act before. She's the most confident girl I've ever met. Eye contact never wavering and she doesn't get shy. In fact she's always been the very opposite. And yet Toby has her wordless, shy and smiling constantly. I love seeing it.

"I'm so glad." Pick at my chicken Cesar. Shoot her a genuine big smile because I love that she's happy and Toby is definitely in my good books.

She smiles again, looking away all cute and embarrassed for being so vulnerable.

"What about you then." Nods her chin at me.

I place my fork down, grab my wine glass and take a swig. Shrug my shoulders as I place it back down on the table.

"What about me?"

"You and Jude. When are we finally getting this show going? Again." She asks.

I shrug indifferently because I'm not sure. Wish I was.

"Oh come on Harms!" She sighs annoyed.

"You ended things with Rome because you realised you still love him. He ended things with Isabella for obviously the same reason."

"You love him, he loves you. Why are you both waiting?" She flicks up an eyebrow.

It's a good question to be fair. One I don't know how to exactly answer because I can only think of one reason why we are waiting. Well why I am for that matter. Because I'm scared.

"Last time—" clear my throat before I start again.

"I want it to be the right time for us. Both of us. So we don't end up in the shit again. He means too much to me for that to happen." Jude is the stars that fill my night sky. The sun that appears after the rain and gives you the reprieve you need. Reminds you that life isn't always shit and actually sometimes worth living.