Learning Curves: A Poetry Collection

Happy Dead Birthday

Happy Birthday. It doesn't matter.
Happy Birthday. You're not alive.
Why do I remember the date of your birth when I have no desire to think of you at all?
You ruined my childhood, ruined my life yet here I am, continuing to thrive.

You couldn't hold me down but I respect the dedication.
I'm a whole ass adult... you being gone is my relaxation.
I hope heaven has welcomed you in-spite of your sins.
You were still a Christian so ultimately religion wins.

I suppose I'll see you again one day, decades from now.
At least that's what I pray, I don't know when I'll die or how.

Maybe you've changed
The drink no longer a demon, dragging you down in despair
Maybe you've had a chance to repair.

Your name still brings anger and oh so much shame
But I'm slowly forgiving because I'm the one of us still living.

So happy birthday, Marcy
I hope you party hard
While I'm still trying to forget
Attempting to remove this shard. (Nov 19, 2022)

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Happy Dead B-Day 2.0

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to – It doesn't matter.
Oh, You're dead now, not just to me. Yeah you're really dead

Your birthday comes, I remember despite not wanting to 
Your memory comes, I did not wish it. Oh what did you do?
The candle blown out long ago, deserve not the gifts you got 
I was the gift, you ruined it, almost made me lost

To see you again decades from now, you'll say you missed me and I'll wonder how
We'll both end in Heaven it'll be more like Hell
I'll say too late laughing loudly alongside fate

Don't know when death will take me, I dare not guess a date
Cause Guessing's not the fucking game to play
I'm thriving now, I'm doing well,
You never held me down despite wishing me to drown
I relax now that you're gone.

Heaven's welcomed you in spite of all your sins, ultimately religion wins.
Washed in holy water, now instantly forgiven 

My hopeful heart pleads that perhaps you've changed
Demon of a drink, not keeping you on the brink
Not dragging you down, watching with entertainment as you drown

My hopeful heart pleads that perhaps you've been repaired no longer despaired by life 
Your name feels angry and shameful on my tongue
Did you ever think that I was too young?

Slowly I'm forgiving. You notice and ask me why 
I answer simply with a smile, wry, "I'm the one of us still living"

So, Happy Birthday Marcy, please party hard
Meanwhile I'll spend the rest of my life removing this shard
This shard you've left in me
So I guess what I'm tryin' to say is: Happy Dead Birthday (2023)