Learning Curves: A Poetry Collection

11:11

I express feelings through writing, never been great with words or gifts.
I am not a huge physical affection type of person but I try. 
The five love languages don't quite fit my way of showing
So I write until my fingers cramp and my brain aches from thinking too much.

Love is a word that scares me. 
I only have two people I can say I truly love.
I say those words often. Those 3 little words that don't mean much of anything
Just to appease those who say it first, even if I don't mean them.

I'm scared of romantic love.
That's such a strong feeling I've yet to experience
All I know is heartache, I'm not sure I'm ready to be that vulnerable.
But you make me feel something I can't say out loud or show physically. 
You make me shy and confident, terrified and elated.
A paradox that I fail to understand.

We began talking on 11-11: A magical number, a sign from above that I was on the right path.
I believe that was true
I knew this was the right step to take yet I was terrified.

All I'd know up until then was being led on.
Being the backup for a plan being executed far before I'd come along.
I was Plan B and didn't know It was possible for me to be A.
I was ready for the ghosting, ready to have you leave and never look back.
I stayed calm and collected while I died inside.
I didn't want to scare you off.

Week two came. We were talking everyday.
No conversation held a lull. I knew I was on the right path.
November 30th we met. I knew this was the step to take.
December 3rd you wanted me and made me yours.

"Can I kiss you?"
"Yeah."
"I mean on the lips not the forehead." 
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yes!" I laughed as you leaned down and pressed those soft lips to mine.
"I want to make you mine."
"Then do it." And you did.

We shared songs, TikToks, Pinterests.
We longed to understand each other deeper.
I trusted you with my writing and me with yours.
I didn't know it could be so easy.
I watch your eyes because they're a reflection of the soul and I'm inspired by yours. 
I see every emotion flitting through them.
They light up when happy, excited, passionate or while you ramble.
Darken when depressed or otherwise down.
Sharpen when angry, contract when focused.

I can tell when something interests you
When you're annoyed.
I sit staring at those eyes in awe.
Up close there's flecks of gold
And brown in them.
They're wonderful for studying.
Far better than Vangoh's pieces.
I love those eyes of yours so deeply. 

I make out your thoughts
Without saying a word.
I ask anyway
Because I love your voice.
Then there's the lip quirk
When something I do is especially cute. 
When giggling about something funny. 
The half-laugh at each compliment. 
The laughter that you say
Others claim is weird
I think is perfect.
The lips made for kissing and talking.
The lips made for me.

Freckles underneath your eyes
Angel kisses I call them. 
I adore them. 
They are perfection.

Your passions are strange
But they're yours and that's what matters.
I may not understand them but they matter to you so they matter to me too. (Jan 2023)