Learning Curves: A Poetry Collection

Friend-Zoned on the Ferris Wheel

I meant to grab your hand
I meant to grab your hand but it was in your pocket
I meant to grab your hand but you didn't want me to

We were on a date but what does one do on a date when transitioning from friends?
We were on a date but I was too nervous to flirt with you
We were on a date but you wanted to leave before even giving us a chance

I needed time to warm up
I needed time to warm up but there wasn't any
I needed time to warm up but didn't know how to tell you that

I thought about this date constantly before it happened
I thought about this date, about what we'd do, what I'd say
I thought about this date, and what would happen after

Friend-zoned on the Ferris wheel of which you sat opposite of me
Friend-zoned on the Ferris wheel where I planned to kiss you
Friend-zoned on the Ferris wheel where my expectations shattered

I played it off so well
I played it off, said I was fine with it being either way
I played it off and held back tears until they could fall freely in my room

I wanted to hold your hand and tell you you looked beautiful and kiss you gently and watch your face redden in delight
I wanted to be braver, less awkward, a cooler version of myself
I wanted to spend hours cuddling studying each-others faces saying things only we could hear

I know that I should have flirted more
I know I should have been more assertive
I know I should have shown you how much I actually cared

I was scared to show my true feelings
I was scared to give too much away
I was scared of messing this up and my fear messed it up anyway

I hate myself for fumbling this hard
I hate myself for getting my expectations up
I hate myself for thinking a date with a girl could be any different

I know I make an amazing partner
I know you could have had that if you'd just let me warm up some more
I know deep down it never would have worked (Dec 25, 2023)