Noisy Neighbor » lee know

Chapter 20: Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman

Ava reached home with Hyunjin that evening, with her roommate complaining about having to be close and romantic with his blood-sworn enemy, Han Jisung. He whined, "I read the script, and guess what? I need to kiss that goddamn onion-stinking mouth of his!" 

"I don't think he stinks of onion, though?" 

"Garlic, then?" 

"I don't think he stinks at all?" 

Hyunjin flailed his arms around, "The point is that I, a straight man, would have to kiss that stinky idiot and catch whatever diseases he carries." 

"There's so much wrong with that sentence," Ava laughed. 

The two reached home, and Kkami, as usual, ignored Hwang Hyunjin's complete existence and trotted over to Ava. Hyunjin sighed, "Why did I adopt you, again?" 

"Get some alone time, you two," she giggled, "Take Kkami out for a walk, Hyun." 

"'Alone time'?" 

"Like bonding over the piss-smelling grass and dumbass neighbors. Come on, go!" 

Hyunjin dropped his bag and tied a leash around Kkami, and the man was off. However, as soon as he walked out of the house, he heard his Juliet, "Bbama! Let's go that way!" 

The drama llama groaned. Hearing his groan, Jisung looked his way, and mirrored his groan. 

"Copycat!" Hyunjin pointed an accusing finger at him, and Jisung gasped dramatically. 

"When did I copy you, dog kisser?" 

"First of all," Hyunjin walked toward him, and dragged along a reluctant Kkami, "I was going this way, and you followed me! And then, you copied my groan!" 

"Excuzi, excuzi," Jisung scoffed, speaking like El Macho from Despicable Me 2, "I live on me own terms, loco." 

And if Jisung was El Macho, Hyunjin was bound to be Gru. Like, that's obvious knowledge. Slay the villain, slay the day, kween. 

So the dog kisser spoke in Gru's accent, "Gorl, you don't know me! I walk my doggo better than yours, you Spanish papa!" 

Jisung and Hyunjin glared at each other, and someone without context would definitely think they were bromancing. A random neighbor of theirs, who had just been rejected by his crush, watched them while walking past the houses, and ended up wailing. F in the chat for bro. 

The author has never been more GenZ, ew. 

So our version of Romeo and Juliet grabbed their dogs' leashes, still glowering at each other, and began briskly walking on the same sidewalk. It was an unsaid competition of 'Who Walks His Dog Faster,' and at this point, their chemistry was biologying. 

But then again, the two lacked solid brain cells, per se. Indulged in the spirit of the competition, the two walked a little too far from home, where even the Spiderman movie gave up, and by the time they stopped to breathe, they realized that it was nightfall already, and they were in an unrecognizable neighborhood. 

"Where the fuck...?" Jisung mumbled, and that was when they heard a gasp behind them. 

Hyunjin and Jisung left their dogs' leashes and screamed louder than Jungkook's girl in Wattpad novels, hugging each other in horror. That was when Hyunjin realized that Jisung did not really stink of onion or garlic -- just dog biscuits. We may never know how. 

The two dogs barked at the mysterious figure in the shadows, and the man revealed himself as he stepped forth, looking flabbergasted. He looked at the two dogs, and then at Hyunsung. 

"W-W-W-W-W-Who are you?" Hyunjin was scared shitless. Jisung was one second away from pissing himself. 

"Are you two the owners of these mighty creatures?" the man asked, speechless. The two very, very, extremely straight men nodded, parting from their very, very, extremely straight hug. 

"Oh! Hello, I am Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman," the man introduced himself. 

"Is that your name or the address of your hometown?" Hyunjin asked, and Jisung gulped, further asking, "Might as well add your pin code, too." 

Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman stared at them for two seconds, and then laughed maniacally; Kira from Death Note fears this man, no joke. 

"You're very funny!" the maniac spoke, and Kkami chose that very moment to act savage. Guess what he did. Guess, guess? 

He casually walked over to Johnny and pissed on his shoe. Average doggo behavior. 

Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman gasped, and then, a huge smile spread on his face as he bowed down to Kkami, "OH, MY LORD! YOU HAVE CHOSEN ME! HALLELUJAH!" 

Kkami had a bigger WTF face than Hyunjin and Jisung combined. Meanwhile, Bbama was casually minding his own business -- our unbothered king.  

As the loud-ass 'hallelujah' left Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman's mouth, more people came running, and Jisung was so sure that he was getting cooked as a dinner for ten tonight. Hyunjin was simply wondering what the author was high on when she wrote this chapter. 

In the span of twenty seconds, a large group of fifty were ambushing Hyunsung, Kkami, and Bbama. Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman spoke in utter joy, "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU THAT OUR LORD WILL COME IN THE FORM OF A DOG AND PISS ON ME! I WAS RIGHT! HAHAHA!" 

The people looked at each other, and the next thing we knew, fifty people were sat on the ground around Kkami, bowing at him. And Kkami was wondering why humans even existed at that point. 

"What does this mean...?" Hyunjin asked, "Guys, Kkami is just my dog, not some God!" 

"Oh, you're the nurturer of our Lord!" Johnny Jacques Fernando Chaddha Whitman (the longer the name, the better for the word count) praised Hyunjin, "Say, would you like to join us in praising our Lord?" 

---

Ava and Minho were out on their lawns, calling out for their roommates in panic. It was about 10 PM, and neither of them were back. Minho cursed as Jisung's phone was out of network area, and Ava sighed in worry, calling out Hyunjin's name in the neighborhood. For once, these two were working together. 

"Did you receive any answer?" Ava asked Minho, and he shook his head. She frowned, and that was when she saw someone running toward them. 

It was a panicked Jisung with a happy Bbama. 

"Jisung! Where's Hyunjin?" Ava hastily asked, and Jisung panted heavily, trying to catch his breath, 

"Hyunjin... just joined a cult!" 

(a/n: basically hyunjin if he didn't join skz 

I AM SORRY SLEEP DEPRIVATION MADE ME DO THIS :"D 

but did you laugh? did you like it? :)))))))

thanks for reading! i love you!)