Formula 1 | One Shots

Four Letter Word | Pierre Gasly

Author's Note: Every time I think of Pierre Gasly, I just imagine Danny Ric singing his name. So enjoy this! POV is done in PIERREEE GASLYYYYYYY

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"PUTAIN!!!" Another shitty race, another embarrassing display of my race skills at my home race with this shitty car. I didn't even bother to stick around to go out after the race- which yes, is unusual for me. The boys begged me considering it was my home race, but I just wanted to sulk in my hotel room, alone. 

It felt like everything went downhill the past 2 months. Racing, my personal life, my mental health. There's no one to blame but me, I guess I could blame Alpine for the car issues though. I watched the love of my life slip away at my own doing. I became numb as a result, nothing but a shell of a man robotically going through the motions. The day I ruined everything still replays in my mind, haunting me, and reminding me of how four letters could have solved it all.

Jade and I had been dating for 4 months and things were going amazingly. We had met at the beginning of the summer break through a mutual friend, and I was smitten at first sight. All the partying, girls and drinking went out the window after I mustered enough courage to ask her out. We began to spend more time together, exploring the city, trying new foods, and discovering shared interests. She even attended 2 races to support me. With each passing day, I found myself falling deeper in love, even though I couldn't admit it at the time.

As our relationship continued, I knew my silence became deafening. I convinced myself that actions spoke louder than words, showing my affection through gestures and small kindnesses. But deep down, I knew that my failure to verbalize my feelings left a void between us—a void Jade couldn't ignore. Jade showed me a part of myself I didn't understand. She broke down my walls and let herself in. She slowly became my biggest supporter on and off the track. She always knew what to say, even when she didn't use words. Her presence offered me solace during some tough times, especially during the race at Spa. Knowing what had occurred here years ago, she never let go of my hand the entire weekend, unless I was in the car. Despite only dating for a short time, I knew she was the one.

But again my heart and head lied to each other. I was afraid. There was a reason for a different girl in my bed every weekend. I hid my troubles with one night stands, drinking and partying. I had been hurt one too many times, lied to, and cheated on. I knew my career was difficult to maintain a relationship, but I was jealous of how the other boys did it. My last relationship ended when my girlfriend cheated on me. I thought she was the one, and I loved her with every fiber of my soul, until she ripped my heart out and stomped on it...5 years down the drain. From that moment, I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again, for a while. But meeting Jade a few months later, things changed for me. 

Jade was patient, understanding and most of all empathetic. She made me feel like myself again, a better version of myself. 4 months into our relationship after a date night in Monaco, we decided to stroll by the harbor and enjoy the evening calm. We sat on a bench just admiring the city around us. Jade had grabbed my hand and turned to face me. I kissed her and I felt her smile again my lips. Everything felt right in that moment, until it didn't. 

*FLASHBACK 2 MONTHS AGO*

"Pierre, I'm falling in love with you" she whispered while placing her hand on my cheek. I froze. After 30 seconds of silence I could see her face began to crumble as I began to stutter some type of response back to her with failure. "I....I..." I sputtered. It all happened so fast after that. Her eyes had became glossy and I knew she was on the verge of tears from my lack of response or acknowledgment of what she said. I couldn't bring myself to utter those three simple words—I love you. I knew I had felt it, but saying them out loud would only add to my fears. She let go of my hand, "I think I should go" she solemnly said. I couldn't even move or respond. She turned around as she walked away, I think in hopes that I would run after her. When I didn't she only looked more depressed and I could see the tears in her eyes. 

I was stuck to that bench for another 2 hours. I knew how much it took for her to admit that she loved me first. She was also no stranger to being hurt my past relationships. She was bravely pouring her heart out to me, and I cowardly couldn't do the same. What was wrong with me? Fuck Alana for ruining me for 5 years. I ran back to our hotel room hoping to make amends, and tell her I loved her. She was gone. Her suitcases, everything, gone. I tried calling her only to find she had blocked me on everything. Safe to say the mini bar that night was cleared out as I drank away my sorrows.

*END FLASHBACK*

I tried contacting her through her friends who ignored me, I even asked Charles's girlfriend to message her, to no avail. After a 2 weeks, I had given up. I became angry, self loathing and unbearable to be around. Adding to all this were the horrible results in the following races. Jade consumed my mind.

What the fuck was I doing? I'm sitting here sulking in my hotel room, confessing my love for Jade to an empty room and self wallowing. I needed to take action before it was truly too late. 2 months- I waited too long. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to get it off my chest now. A rush of excitement and anxiety flushed over me as I sprinted to the nightstand to get my phone. I scrolled through my contacts and found her name. Was I still blocked on her contacts? Would she even respond? How would she react? Was it too late? My thumb hovered over the call button. "Fuck it," I hit the dial button.

"We're sorry, this number is no longer in service."

If my heart wasn't shattered before, it was now. She changed her number and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of me. I knew I had broken her, but part of me never thought she would go to this extreme. I didn't stop there. I opened up Instagram to check if she had unblocked me, and to be surprise- she did. I opened our DM's and poured my heart out.

"Jade, I hope you're doing well, even though I can't say the same for myself. I've been doing some thinking lately and there are things I really need to say. I've realized that I owe you an apology for how things ended between us, or how I ruined things for us. I'm sorry for any pain or hurt I may have caused you. Looking back, I see that fear held me back from expressing myself fully. I was afraid of getting hurt and I let that fear stop me from telling you something important—I love you. I really do. It's taken some time for me to come to terms with this, but I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I understand if you need time or if this is too much to process right now. I just needed to be honest with you and myself.  You deserve to be loved and treated like a queen. I regret that moment in Monaco every minute of the day. I should have never let you go, and I am prepared to fight for you to make things right, if you'll let me."

I threw my phone across the bed after hitting send and laid down- before I could regret what I had just done. In a weird way, a weight was lifted off my heart. I was still heartbroken, but felt better after expressing myself. Before I could even begin to freaks out about texting Jade, my phone pinged and I never shot up so quickly. My fingers were trembling attempting to put in my phone's passcode. When opening Instagram I saw she responded to my message...Holy shit, this is it. This is where she tells me to fuck off or not. Oh my god another message came through from her too.

"I'm in Paris tomorrow, we should grab a coffee and chat...also Pierre, l still love you too."