Formula 1 | One Shots

It's Lonely at the Top | Lewis Hamilton

Authors Note: Written in Lewis POV

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"I don't think this is working anymore Lew. I can't do this anymore" she quietly says to me, avoiding eye contact. I sat there stunned, yet not surprised. She knew it wasn't working, I knew it wasn't working- yet we continued like this for months. Cassie and I have been dating for 4 years, but the past few months have been insane, and we've hardly spent time together. 

My entire mind was consumed by the desire to win my 8th WDC title with Mercedes. 2021 was the worst year of my life, until I met Cassie. She brought me back down to reality after my depression of loosing my 8th title over an FIA technicality. I fought hard in 2022 and 2023, but the car just wasn't up to par in comparison to the Red Bulls. It was frustrating seeing my dream so close, yet so far out of reach. I tried focusing on things outside of Formula One, like charities, women in sports and my relationship with Cassie.

I plagued myself this year with one thing on my mind, winning my 8th title. It became mind consuming. When I wasn't racing, I was training or spending time at headquarters on the SIM. Every free moment was spent reviewing data and making corrections. This was on me, I neglected the one good thing in my life. I took advantage of the fact that I knew she would stick around despite be being so absent and obsessed with winning. This wasn't the first time this has happened to me. I lost my best friend over obsessing to win and becoming a WDC. 

"I'm so sorry Cassie. I know this is my fault, but I can't promise I will change until I win. I need to win. You deserve so much more than this, it's not fair to you" I retorted with. She gave me a sad smile. She cupped my cheek, "I know Lew, I won't stand in your way anymore. I can't just sit and watch you throw your whole life away for this sport. I love you too much to see you spiral like this."

And there we were, crying in each others arm, knowing it would be the last time we'd hold each other like this. It was weird that I wasn't even fighting for her. Of course I loved her, but my mind had one focused thought, and I didn't want to drag her down this dark path of obsession for the win. 

She was an amazing woman who deserved to be loved, and paid attention to. She wanted a family and I knew I couldn't give that to her yet. So we cried. I cried for her, I cried for me, and I cried for the unforeseen future. 

Maybe we could make it work after if I won. I made myself a silent promise that if I won my 8th title this year, I'd retire. I wouldn't hold it to her to wait for me, but I secretly hoped she would. I placed one final, passionate kiss on her lips. I watched her go, along with my heart. If they wanted to see me in my evil era, the world was about to. 

One thing was set on my mind. Winning, no matter the cost and stakes. 

7 months later

"For the first time since 2019, Lewis Hamilton wins the Hungarian Grand Prix and is the 2024 World Champion!"

I parked my car in P1 and just sat in my car, unable to move. My entire pit crew surround the car, cheering loudly and patting me on the head. Toto is running across the pit lane like a madman with Bono trailing behind him. I got out of my car, getting tackled by the entire team. Toto is hardly understandable, excitedly cursing in German. "Lewis, my boy...you've done it!!!" he shouts. I celebrate briefly with the team before going to weigh in and start the podium. 

I look around the cheering crowd, wishing Cassie was somewhere in the sea of Mercedes personnel. I knew she wasn't here, but if I closed my eyes and dreamt hard enough, I could pretend she was. It was lonely at the top, like she said it would be. This season nearly cost me everything and I stood here wondering if it was worth it. Taken out of my thoughts by the UK national anthem, I put on my biggest smile and lifted my trophy. Eventually sprayed head to toe in champagne by Max and Charles who respectively took P2 and P3, I took my trophy and made my way back to my driver's room. 

Along the way I ran into many of the other drivers who congratulated me on my 8th title win. Max pulled me aside giving me a handshake. He had won 4 years in a row previously and was my biggest competition on the grid. Little did he know, I owed him a lot. He motivated me to push myself and want to do better. When he went for the handshake, I pushed it aside and gave him a hug. Everyone knew i was limited with my physical touch, but I felt inclined to hug Max. He reciprocated the gesture and patted me on the back.

I finally made it back to my drivers room and sat on the couch. My mind was running at 100 mph, I wasn't sure how to feel. My dream was to make my WDC's an even 8, but now that i've accomplished that, I sat there in my feelings about what I sacrificed to get here. My best friend, countless girlfriends, and the love of my life...Cassie. 

Hearing my phone pinging like crazy, likely with messages of congratulations, I decided to turn in onto 'do not disturb' but before doing so, I noticed a text from Cassie. The first one since we've ended things. Of course I had texted her a few times, but she never responded, and I never held that against her. We kept each other on social media, and that's how I knew what she was up to. 

Lewis, congratulations on the 8th title. I hope you are proud of what you've accomplished today, and what it took to get you here. Love Always, Cassie.

I knew what I had to do. It was time for a change. I made my way to Toto's office, interrupting some of the management team celebrating another WDC win for Mercedes since 2019. Toto immediately noticed my demeanor and stepped out of his office to speak to me. 

I gave him a somber smile and he placed his hand on my shoulder knowingly. "You said 8. I knew this day would come, although it's hard to imagine after all these years.. I'm assuming you're here to tell me you aren't driving with us next year? I knew you'd been putting off contract discussion for weeks now." 

He was spot on, and I always forget Toto was like a second dad to me. Of course he knew how bittersweet this would be for me. He too, watched me dedicate my entire life to this sport. While I was grateful for all the wins and opportunities, it was time to put myself first, and prioritize my happiness outside of Formula One. I was avoiding giving him my answer about 2025 for a while, but I also knew he had his eyes set on some young talent in F2, so I wasn't too worried.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I pulled him into am embrace. "I'm so proud of you Lew, we all are. We will support your decision and you no matter what. Now go get the girl" he chuckled. I also forgot how much he and Susie gossiped about my love life. They both adored Cassie, and she was really the only one I ever brought out the team. I booked the first plane back to London, hopeful and scared for what was to come next. For the first time in my life, I felt like all the expectations of me were lifted and I could just be myself. 

Nervous and palms sweaty, I found myself with my heart in my hands knocking at Cassie's apartment door. Time slowed and in that moment I realized I had dropped everything and flew to London 3 hours after winning my title. What if she wasn't home? What if she moved on? Was I too late? What do I even say?

Suddenly the door creaked open and Cassie stood in front of me, her lips parted in disbelief. We stood there in silence for a good 2 minutes before I could even open my mouth. I struggled for words to leave my lips, but Cassie beat me to it. "I was hoping you'd find your way back to me. I'm sad it took this long, but we needed the distance." she admitted. 

"If you'll have me, I'm not going anywhere ever again. I want you, I want it all with you." She hugged me like she knew I just put in my retirement for next year and my heart felt 100 times lighter. I never wanted to let go, and I wasn't planning on it.  

I didn't want to be lonely at the top anymore.