Formula 1 | One Shots

Little Feet | Daniel Ricciardo

Author's Note: ⚠️  Trigger warning for mentions of miscarriage. 

Done in Danny's POV.
--------------------------------------

Do you ever imagine a reality that doesn't exist? One that seems perfect when you close your eyes at night? These recent nights, I never wanted to wake up. Everything was perfect when I shut my eyes, but all of it floating away when the morning came. It was just me, Vanessa and our son. Happiness, butterflies and his little feet stomping all over the place. In my dreams we named him Mason....Mason Jules Ricciardo. 

Grief is weird. It has a funny way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. When you experience happy moments, grief comes knocking on your door to make you feel guilty for being happy. It's been a few months since we got the horrible news no couple should ever receive. 

Everything was going so well, Vanessa and I were expecting our first child together. We had been trying for over a year to get pregnant and we finally had our luck. She visited all the best doctors in Monaco, and I made sure to ensure she was eating properly and taking all her medications. We had a small gender reveal with our closest fiends and family, we were having a baby boy.

I think my favorite part was setting up the nursery. Vanessa and I had agreed to a light green theme with animals. I did TRY to make it a racing theme, but lost that battle early on. Visiting shops finding the perfect toys, books and clothes was actually...fun. I didn't know babies needed so many things!!!

We had gotten so much closer during the first few months of her pregnancy. Retiring from F1 at the end of 2024 was a difficult, but proper decision. My focus was going to be Vanessa and our son, but everything changed at the 5 month mark. 

We were going for our daily walk in town when she experienced some discomfort in her lower stomach. She brushed it off as a slight discomfort but as the day continued, her pain grew worse. Not risking anything, I immediately took her to her doctor to make sure it had nothing to do with the baby. 

When we arrived to the hospital, I will never forget Vanessa's face, contorting into pain. The last thing I saw before they took her in was red blood trickling down her legs, pooling on the floor. It was then that I knew something was wrong and my heart ached for the news I was scared to receive. I waited for what felt like hours until I had a doctor come to update me. 

"I'm so sorry to tell you this, but it appears that your girlfriend had a miscarriage. We performed emergency surgery to remove the fetus."

"I understand this is incredibly difficult news. It's completely normal to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. It's important to allow yourself time to grieve."

"Many people go on to have healthy pregnancies after a miscarriage."

I've raced at over 200+ kmp and I don't think I had ever felt as nauseous as I did in that moment. Tears were stinging my eyes, almost blurring my vision. My knees grew weak and before I could even fully process what I was hearing I needed to see Vanessa. I couldn't even bear to think how she was feeling after the surgery.

They took me to a private room where she was sedated. She was out cold and didn't even know yet. I asked the doctor to give me a moment, so I could tell her myself. In moments like these, it's difficult to put on a brave face and tell the person you love that the baby boy we were trying so hard for, is gone. 

Vanessas cries from that day still haunt my thoughts. Telling her the news was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. I compartmentalized my own grief the first few days, so I could support Vanessa 100%. I think the hardest part was coming back home to the apartment. Seeing boxes of ordered baby things and the nursery were a constant reminder of what we lost. Our apartment had been baby proofed already, every corner a reminder. 

Vanessa was glued to the bed for a week straight. I felt helpless not knowing what to say or what to do to help her. I was beginning to struggle with my own emotions and the gravity of the situation. I knew she felt guilty, almost as if it was her fault she miscarried, despite knowing there was nothing we could do. I began searching for a therapist for the both of us, to help try to get a sense of 'moving on.'

Therapy helped us understand our feelings and come to terms with our situation a little better. Vanessa was slowly moving around more and even leaving the house for small errands. Our therapist recommended we write a letter to Mason and set it out to sea, to get some closure. I let Vanessa write the letter, because I knew how much it would mean to her. She took two days to write what she wanted and she let me read it. 

Mason,

Though we never got the chance to hold you in our arms, you were deeply loved from the very moment we knew you were coming into our lives. Although you were taken from us far too soon, please know that you were cherished. Your presence, brought immense joy and hope into our lives. We may never fully understand why you couldn't stay, but we find solace in knowing that you are now watching over us from a place of peace and love.

Our sweet Mason, you will forever hold a special place in our hearts. Though we won't get to witness your first steps or hear your laughter, we will carry your memory with us always. You have left an irreplaceable mark on our hearts, and we will honor your spirit forever.

We hope you wait for us up there. Love, Mummy and Daddy.

I had a full break down after reading the letter. While it felt shitty still, a weight almost evaporated off my shoulders. I felt like I could let out my emotions and get a sense of peace. We had walked over to the private beach to send our letter off. Thankfully we left early enough that no one else was there. 

I remember intertwining my fingers with Vanessa's and releasing a bottle with the letter in it, into the ocean. We sat there, holding each other through our sobs. An hour later we both agreed that it was time to head home. We took one final look out into the ocean as the sun was rising and felt a warmth radiate through us. We'd get through this together, I knew we would.

Walking back home after sending off our letter, we decided to grab a quick coffee. While waiting in line I felt a small hand tugging at the hem of my shirt and when I looked down I saw a little boy with curly hair and green eyes staring back at me. He smiled up at me and Vanessa and he held up a little F1 toy car.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry for him disturbing you. He is a big fan and he ran off when he recognized you" his mom said running up to us. I assured it her it was no worries, and crouched down to the little boy's height. 

I ruffled my hands in his curly hair. "Hi little man, my name's Danny. You're a fan of Formula One?" He cutely nodded his head up and down while giggling. "What's your name?"

He gave me a toothy grin, "my name is Mason Jack and i'm fweeee years old" he said while sticking up 3 fingers proudly. My eyes went wide and my heart clenched while I looked up at Vanessa, whose reaction reflected mine. I gave him a soft smile while a single tear formed in my eyes.

I knew this was a sign from Mason, letting us know everything was going to be okay and that we'd be lucky again in the future.