rants

rant 73

last night i asked Allah for a sign he's real and i should keep going and i fell asleep and i had this dream where i was kinda warm and there was grass a big field and this big light in the sky. it wasnt the sun bc the sun was behind me. and when i woke up it was 1:11 am and idk it could've been delusion but i just started crying bc what the hell am i even doing

after that i read the Quran and for the first time ever it didn't feel like i was forcing myself. i did fajr prayer later on and got so emotional and just idk my head was dead silent for once i truly meant the words as i prayed

i don't feel that big knot in my stomach for once like i feel so light i don't know what to do anymore