sturniolo/nate imagines

⚠️sh⚠️confused-Chris

Y/N POV

I was making out with Chris in his bed. It got faster, and he hovered over me. He kissed down my neck and looked up at me. I nodded, and he removed my shirt, kissing down to my bare chest. His hands moved to the waistband of my pants.
"Chris," I stopped him. He stopped and sat next to me.
"Y/N, can we talk?" He asked. I nodded and put my shirt back on, sitting across from him.
Is he gonna break up with me?
"Ok. So we've been dating for a while, and we still haven't." He motioned between us.
"And I just wanna know why? Like, are you waiting for marriage?"
"No." I said, ashamed of why I wouldn't.
"Ok, I didn't think so. Because like you act like you want to and, I just. I'm. I'm confused." He said, I sighed.
"Are you a virgin?"
"No,"
"Is it just you want to wait longer?"
"No, I'm ready." I admitted.
"Then why?" I looked down. Do I tell him?
"I-I," I tried to get out. He grabbed my hands.
"You can tell me anything." How do I say it.
"It's, um, it's my thigh." I said nervously.
"Your thigh? Do you not like-"
"No. No, nothing like that."
"What?" He asked again, getting more confused.
"There's something on it."
"Like a tattoo?"
"No. There's." I gulped. He ran his thumbs over the back of my hands.
"There's, um, scars." I said slowly.
"Scars? From what?" I can do this. It's gonna be fine.
"I-I used to, uh, cut myself." I finally got out. He stilled and stared at me.
"I know it's weird. If you wanna break up, i get it. O-or I could try to cover them, or -" I rambled out, teats welling in my eyes.
"Hey, hey." He cut me off.
"It's ok." He spoke softly, wiping my tears.
"I'm just surprised. It's not weird, and I'm definitely not breaking up with you." He said, holding my face in his hands.
"I'm sorry," I squeaked out.
"Don't be sorry." He said, pulling me to him.
"Why didn't you tell me before? Or even before we were even dating, like when we were friends for such a long time." He asked.
"I don't know." I lied.
"How did you go so long without telling me? We've been friends for years, and we were talking for months, now we've been dating 6 months. How come you're just telling me now?" Chris asked, looking kind of hurt.
"I'm sorry." I said again.
"It's not that I'm mad." He shook his head.
"I-I uh, well. I've never told anyone before."
"What?"
"I-I just, kept it to myself." I said, looking away from him.
"You've never, told anyone else? Like ever?" He asked quietly, I nodded.
"Baby, why? You shouldn't go through that alone. You should have told me, or Nick, or someone."
"I didn't want you to see me differently."
"I don't see you differently."
"But I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be normal."
"You are normal." He said firmly.
"It doesn't feel like it."
"So many other people do that though."
"Who?"
"Well, I don't actually know, anyone who does. But a lot of people do."
"See, it's weird."
"No. It's an unhealthy but normal way to cope with things."
"But I shouldn't need to cope with things. My life is fine - good."
"That doesn't mean it's not hard." I snuggled into him more.
"When did you last do it?" He asked.
"Um, I don't know. Like 2 months ago." I guessed.
"But before that, I was clean for almost a year." I said, trying to make his frown disappear.
"You did it while we were together and still didn't tell me?" I didn't reply.
"Can I see?" He asked. I nodded and sat up out of his grasp. It's not that bad, so he shouldn't have a big reaction. Nothings gonna happen.
I pulled off my sweatpants and held my knees to my chest, hiding them.
"I won't freak out." He said, giving me a soft smile. I put my clean leg down and stared at the scars on my other.
They're so ugly. Some thick red lines, some more white and shiny, faded away. Big and short, long and skinny. All in little clusters that mix into each other.
Why would anyone want to see this?
Chris placed his hand on my knee. I slowly lowered it down till both my legs were laying straight out. I didn't look at him.
He must think I'm a freak.
I felt him lighty run his fingers across them. I glanced at him and saw tears streaming down his face. Why is he crying?
"There so big." He spoke softly.
"What?"
"You went really deep." He said, still staring. Oh.
"Why would you do this?" He asked, I thought for a minute.
"It's just the only thing that makes it better."
"But doesn't anything else help?"
"No." I said shortly. I wish it didn't help, I really hate it.
"Can you call me next time? Maybe talking helps, and you just don't know cause you haven't tried." He said, looking to me again.
"Um, I don't. I-"
"Please, you can't keep hurting yourself."
"Ok, I'll try." I gave in. He pulled me to straddle him and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me tightly. I rested my head in his neck and put my arms around his shoulders as a silent tear rolled down my cheek.
"I'm really proud of you for telling me." He said into my hair.
"Thanks for not breaking up with me." He heard my voice a pulled away to face me.
"I would never break up with you. Especially over something like this." He said, resting his forehead on mine. I nodded.
"I love you." I said, looking into his eyes. I saw a smile grow on his face. It's the first time I've ever said it. It's takes a lot for me to love and trust someone. I don't want to love someone I don't truly trust and care about.
He said it last month, and I didn't say it back. I didn't want to until I really did.
But I know I do, I can feel it. This is love. I've never been so sure.
He pulled me into a slow and sweet kiss.
"I love you too," he whispered as we pulled away.