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Brenda had met you with the Gladers. You had been trapped with her and Thomas when you followed them.
You knew that you had all gotten out safely. You knew it could have been okay. After seeing her get the cure, you knew everyone could have been fine.
What absolutely nobody but you knew was that Teresa would turn everyone over to WCKD. What they definitely could never expect was that they were smarter than they let on.
Thomas would never let them just take everybody. That's why they were in this mess in the first place.
WCKD couldn't let that happen again. They refused to make another foolish mistake like just assuming the Gladers would accept their weird version of an olive branch.
That's where you came in. You were the safe gate, the one that would guarantee everyone go back to WCKD.
During those six months of planning you had sent every last detail to them through telekinesis that had been set up with Teresa. It was foolproof. Every last word could be transferred right in front of their very eyes.
Brenda hadn't meant to get attached. She would never mean to be attached to anyone, even you.
Another thing she could never expect is to love you. When she first laid eyes on you she could have never imagined that this random girl who usually kept to herself but was first to protect others would be someone who owned her heart.
How couldn't she fall though? You had stayed up all night with her, talking about mindless things. You would run your fingers through her growing hair. You would spend your time brushing it out. You would hold her hand under the table, rubbing comforting circles on her knuckles. You would sit with her by the water, resting your head on her shoulder. You would share a sleeping bag, your bodies pressed against each other as you kept warm.
You almost regret it sometimes. When you were kissing her, pressing your lips to her skin, savoring the way hers felt on your neck, you would think about if it was worth it. After this, you would lose her forever.
You tried not to think about it. You tried to just close your eyes and savor the way her voice sounds, breathe in her scent, discover love that nobody else could possibly know.
Each time though, you would remember the world. The next time another step was planned out you would remember where your loyalties lie. You would remember your original allegiance.
When they realized WCKD was prepared for every movement it became obvious that someone betrayed them. When you had gone missing on the train, they figured it out.
You were the traitor. It was you. All this time, they thought Teresa had shown them the worst kind of trickery. You were with them though, giving away secrets right in front of their eyes.
Now it made sense why you didn't want her to tell anyone. You don't care if anyone knew that you like girls. You didn't want her to be dragged down in the flames with you.
She was more hurt than angry. She didn't realize that you had meant every loving word you said, that every soft touch had been genuine, that every kiss was something you had put your heart and soul into.
She didn't realize that. She thought that you got close just to find out more secrets.
She didn't let herself be in pain. She covered it up with outrage. Besides, there wasn't even anyone to talk to. She had to let it bubble inside of her, allow the dark feelings to sink into the pit of her stomach.
She couldn't eat. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't do anything but distract herself with rescuing everyone.
She resented when everyone would take a break. It meant she was forced to remember what was happening. She couldn't just see you as a traitor. She had to remember all the good parts of you, the ones that some people didn't and would never know about.
She didn't give a damn about Teresa. She didn't care.
She wanted you to hurt. She wanted you to look her in the eye and feel what she had. She wanted you to be afraid, for your heart to break as it hit you that it was over.
“We need Y/N. She is the one who did worse. No Teresa,”She snapped.
“It doesn't matter who we take. Teresa would be easiest to lure out and that's what's important,”Gally pointed out.
“I. Don't. Care. Y/N deserves worse. She always will,”She repeated.
“It doesn't matter. They're both traitors. Who we take makes no difference,”Newt said firmly.
“It does matter. It does.”
“Why does it matter?”Fry asked.
“It just does.”
“But why?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
“Because.”
“Why?!”Thomas yelled.
“Because I’m still in love with her!”She screamed, her voice cracking at the end.
Everyone went silent as they took it in. Now it made sense. Why you two would disappear. Why you would sit so close she may as well have been on your lap. Why your hugs were just a little too long.
You two were lovers. You two had been together. You two had been happy.
You weren't now. You were on different sides, never able to live your fairytale ending.
No wonder you shut down any talk about the future. You knew it would never involve her.
Lovers on different sides. Something about that seems worse than death.
You're so close. You're just a few miles apart. One drive would reunite you two.
When they did drive out to take you, it wouldn't be for that. No matter who they take, that was the one thing everyone could be sure about when it came to you.
