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Thomas’s heart once skipped a beat for you. He swore that light only existed for the sake of letting everybody see you. Never before had he so desperately wanted to cling to someone, to hold them tight and never let go. Losing people was already terrifying, but the thought of living without you kept him up at night.
He wanted you both to have a safe life filled with days of finding peace and happiness. He wanted to wake up beside you every day. He wanted to hold you when things got hard and whisper that it was all going to be okay.
You were supposed to be his everything. You were for so long.
When he caught you in the arms of someone else in the middle of the night, hiding in the forest and kissing him so passionately it seemed to burn, you were nothing. Both of your shirts were on the ground, showing off marks cleverly hidden. For a moment, he wondered if that was because you had practice. When he remembered you barely even kissed him, he realized he was past caring.
“Thomas!”
Your voice was higher than normal as panic creeped over your face. Your eyes widened as your mouth dropped, your mind wracking for an excuse.
He had lost so many people in his life so young. He was sure he was doomed to never be able to love no matter which way. Alby, Chuck, Winston, Newt, Teresa, every Glader except Minho and Gally. Even watching Ava, the woman who raised him in a twisted way, fall to the ground while bleeding out made his heart ache.
Maybe that's why he felt nothing. He had been expecting this in a way. He didn't think he would lose you while you were still breathing, but it didn't make him stumble back the way it would any normal person.
“It-it just happened. Everything spiraled out of control. It didn't mean-” He tuned out every single excuse a cheater could use as he turned around, walking back to his hut that you were supposed to move into. You were already in his hammock daily, curled up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing the top of your head every now and then while making sure you wouldn't vanish in the middle of the night.
Sometimes he went to bed without you. That wasn't as often, but it wasn't unusual.
It had never felt cold though. There was never a true emptiness as he reached out for someone that wasn't there. His blue yarn blanket was usually enough to keep him comfortable.
Never again though. Every single night he silently promised to never let anyone beside him again. He was done with love. Finally done.
