Forgive Me (complete)

11

I entered Earth with tears still streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't believe how horrible it felt to officially be rejected by Michael. I knew he didn't want to be with me before but I suppose somewhere deep inside I believed Avina when she said he would love me eventually but she was wrong. He didn't just hate what I had become; he hated me to my core. There wasn't one thing about me he liked.

"Katrina," Michael said harshly from behind me.

I turned with every intention to let my fury finally come through but at the sight of him, I lost all fight.

"What?" I asked shakily. I was unable to fight with him. I just couldn't do it anymore. If I thought there was something there I would fight for it but he had no hope in me nor did he want to try. I was in a one sided relationship with him, if I could even call it that.

"Why did you leave like that?" He demanded to know.

"I can't do this, Michael. Please, just let me go," I begged. I knew he wouldn't give in that easily though.

"I know you think I hate you but I don't," he said confidently.

"I don't understand. Why won't you just see that I'm trying? I avoided Damian to try to be better for you. You're punishing me for something I started over a century ago, before I ever knew you existed."

He laughed cynically, "Don't be ridiculous, Katrina. You wouldn't try to change for me so don't pretend that you would. Do not insult my intelligence," he said darkly.

"I'm not! I hate that you won't even try to accept me! I left to be better for you, Michael!" I cried, "I know I've messed up a lot. I know..." I trailed off trying to slow my hysterics.

He didn't say anything as he studied me. I felt naked under his inspection but allowed his violet eyes to roam my face as I waited for his verdict. I knew damn well what it would be but for some stupid reason I hoped otherwise.

He shook his head absently. His hand ran the length of his jaw as he crossed his arms.

"I want to believe you, Katrina. I really do but your track record speaks for itself. It took you disappearing from this realm to avoid him. How am I to believe you won't sleep with him behind my back? You clearly have no respect for mates."

I shook my head sadly, "I won't beg your forgiveness. You don't love me and you never will. Nothing can change that but you."

"That's where you're wrong. I do love you. I love you more than you can imagine and I desperately want to be with you. Don't you think this hurts me as much as it hurts you?!"

I stared at the ground unable to look at his perfection any longer. He was the only thing I wanted and without him I couldn't figure out why I would exist. I couldn't even die. I could never escape because I was already dead. This was pure torture.

This is what I had done to Ivan.

I was vengeful and made him suffer for an eternity and now I would suffer the same fate.

He took a step closer to me but I stepped back. I couldn't be near him. I needed to make things right with Ivan. I needed to let his soul rest before I could ever start to let go of the fury that was holding me in this almost catatonic state.

I wiped my cheeks, "I need to do something. I'll see around, Michael."

"Where are you going," he asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I said quietly before disappearing.

I descended to one of the deepest rings of Hell in search of Ivan. I found him alone and hunched in a corner crying and rocking; he was nearly naked and horribly burned with deep, infected, lashes covering every inch of his body. I was disgusted with myself for letting this go on so long; I loved him at one point, thought I would marry him but that was before he started beating me and far before he murdered me. He looked so broken and I wondered if he could ever forgive me for doing this to him in death.