Forgive Me (complete)

26

I tried to keep up with Damian's long strides but I had to take two for every one he made. He seemed quite determined to understand what was going on but I already knew. I was being punished and he was having to suffer because of it. That had to be what was happening.

Without knocking, Damian pushed open his father's office door with me following closely behind.

"Katrina, what a nice surprise," Samael greeted warmly.

"Hello," I said slightly awkward.

"Do you know what is going on?" Damian demanded.

"I know you sent your wife away after your lover beat her."

Ouch.

"You are twisting what happened," Damian responded clearly showing his irritation.

"Perhaps," Samael said with a smug grin, "How have you been, Katrina?"

"Um... I've seen better days," I said quietly.

"You're not usually so docile," he commented.

I shrugged in response, "I no longer hold a title."

"Consider it reinstated," he said.

I smiled weakly, "Thank you, Samael."

"Father," Damian said, "There is no way Avina could be my true mate. It has to be Katrina."

Samael smiled at his desk, avoiding the statement which sparked my interest. What was he avoiding?

"So we are back to this, Damian?"

"I know something isn't right. The only thing I ever felt for Avina was pity. I felt guilty for not loving her as a mate should."

"Perhaps this is a question better suited for Adonai," Samael suggested.

"Katrina is my mate, isn't she." Though he phrased it as a question, it was more of a statement.

"Do you believe Damian is your mate," Samael asked, again ignoring Damian.

"I want him to be but I tried telling him I saw The Book."

"You know, I always assumed you were his mate. When Avina was thrown into the mix, I was a bit disappointed."

"Does that mean I am?" I asked hopefully.

"Not necessarily. If you saw The Book, you would know better than anyone," he responded nonchalantly.

I was quickly becoming frustrated. I just wanted a straight answer from someone.

Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. No one else could tell me who I was meant to be with. I had to figure it out myself. I loved both men but when it came down to it, who could I live without? The thought of never seeing Damian agin, never talking to him, never just being friends with him was heartbreaking. Was that why I couldn't stand to be in Heaven? I was never truly supposed to be there, was I? If Michael knew about all this and still put me through all this turmoil I would be furious. I felt so guilty about Damian because I knew I never really stopped loving him; I just thought I was supposed to stop loving him because he married Avina.

But that still didn't explain the intense rejection I felt when Michael wouldn't accept me. Was it because of his high status? Perhaps it was the fact that I was being rejected by one of most influential beings in existence. Michael was right up there with Adonai and I needed his approval as much as I needed Adonai's. Could that have been the love I felt for him? I wasn't sure but I knew who my true mate was now.

"Damian's right. There is something going on. There is no way I am destined to be with Michael."

Samael's grin widened ever so slightly before he stood and walked around his desk with his hands laced behind his back. Damian really did take after his father but there was definitely some of Keziah there. Damian was stubborn, demanding, and at times condescending but he was always fair and when it came to me, he genuinely cared about what happened to me.