A Story. (Phan)

4

((someone in the comments said that this needs a trigger warning so iM WARNING U NOW))

Dan

I knew it.

It was too good to be true.

How could I not see it?

It was all fake.

He does not like me.

He never did.

I felt sick. My head was spinning.

Why would he do that?

Why would he play with me like that?

But after all, it wasn't his fault. He was confused, I couldn't blame him.

Luckily, I had the keys to out apartment. I quickly unlocked the door and burst in. I needed to cry. I couldn't hold it back anymore. Too much stuff happened today.

I rushed up to the bathroom and bent over the sink. I watched as the tears started falling in it. At first there was just one but then more started to fall.

Two minutes later I was full on crying. I thought he meant it. But he didn't. He only kissed me because he felt sorry.

What was I even thinking? How could he have feelings for me? I mean, look at me. I'm disgusting.

I wiped off the tears and looked at myself in the mirror.

I wanted to shout at him, but then again, it wasn't his fault. I shouldn't have believed that something would happen between us anyway. I can't blame him for liking Cat.

I went to my room, sat on my bed and hugged my pillow.

It will be okay, Dan.

It will be alright.

I cringed at how pathetic I was, comforting myself. Normally it would be someone else to do that, but I, of course, had noone.

Why must it end like that everytime?

((WARNING: homophobic))

* flashback *

Im 13, sitting on a bench, talking to one of my close friends Kevin.

"Kevin... I... I like you"

"Eww, Dan! You're a faggot? Disgusting! People like you should be sent back to hell where you come from!"

"Kevin I-I'm sorry I just-"

"Hey lads did you hear that?! Howell is a fag!"

* end of flashback *

I hugged my pillow tighter.

Nobody could ever love me back.

Im just disgusting faggot that doesn't deserve to be loved.

Pathetic.

Unwanted.

Nobody would miss me if I just ended it all.

I looked down at my wrists. All of those faded scars. You couldn't really see them if you didn't look close enough, but they were still there. Reminding me of those bad times.

* flashback *

Im 17, me and my boyfriend Sam are kissing.

"Do you see this, guys?" Brendon, the leader of the 'bad guys' shouts. "They're making out! Lets show them what they get for being faggots!"