A Story. (Phan)

13

Dan

It's been about a month.

Nothing had meaning anymore. I lost all kinds of weight, I barely ate anything. I didn't take a shower in forever. I should've payed the bills, but I didn't really care about anything. Even if they took everything away from me, they would actually take nothing, because nothing had any value left without Phil.

I didn't care about myself. I knew that it was stupid, but I just couldn't face it.

Many people tried to contact me. They were calling me, leaving voice messages about how concerned they are for my well-being. Some of them even came to check on me, but no matter how long they kept ringing the bell and knocking, I never actually went down to open the door.

Chris and Pj came into the apartment a few times, because they had a spare key. They brought me food and tried to talk me into going outside and forgetting about Phil for a while, but I couldn't.

The worst part was, my feelings for him never fainted. Not even a bit. I loved him just as much as I did abot three months ago, when we started dating.

And it hurt.

The fact that he didn't feel the same hurt.

My phone was resting on my chest, waiting for Phil to call, but knowing that I wouldn't answer it anyway.

Where is the point?

And then my phone started vibrating. I slowly opened my eyes. They were sticky from crying and I couldn't see anything for a few seconds, but after a few blinks, I gained back my vision, still a bit blurry, but at least I could see. I picked the phone off my chest to see who was calling.

Mom.

As much as I didn't want to answer it, I knew that my mum wasn't really a person to ignore.

So I pressed the green button, accepting the call.

For a few seconds, all I could hear was quiet buzzing, but then I heard my mom's voice. I haven't heard it in such a long time.

"Da-iel? -n you he- me?" She said. The signal was bad, so I slowly got up and moved to the window.

"Hellooo? Daniel?" She repeated.

"Hey mum." I said. The sound of my own voice shocked me. I sounded tired as ever. My throat ached as the words came out of my mouth, I wasn't used to talking. I haven't spoken in a really long time.

"Oh my god, Dan! Is that just the phone or do you have a bee stuck in your throat? Are you sick?"

I sighed. She always worried too much. "It's just the phone, mum. Don't worry."

But she wasn't having any of it.

"You can't fool me, young man. I'm coming right over."

"No, mum please don't, I can take care of myself, I'm an adult!"

"Well that doesn't matter. I haven't seen you in a long time anyway.

"Mum please don't-"

"Look, hun, I can't hear you, the signal is too bad. See you in twenty!" She said and hung up.

"Fuck" I said and threw my phone to the other side of my bed. Now I actually had to get up and make myself look as presentable as possible. Maybe have a quick shower and eat something. But I only had twenty minutes.

I quickly got up and found myself a new shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans. I ran to the bathroom, more specifically, stubbled. I have barely used my legs for the past month, so they didn't really work as well as they should.

When I was at the bathroom I looked at the mirror.

Wow, Dan, you look like shit. I mentally complimented myself.

Well, I feel like shit too.

I took a moment to examine my face. I got much paler. I was also skinnier, and I had purple bags under my eyes. My hair was a mess, and so were my clothes. My face was slightly red around my eyes, and I could see tear trails down my cheeks.

Absolutely great.

I took off my clothes. I actually smelled really bad. But what was I expecting after a month of not taking a shower? I stepped into the shower and turned on the water, gasping when it hit my skin. I mostly washed my face and hair, so I would look more awake.

When I finished showering I stepped out, grabbed a towel and dried myself. I put on the clean clothes and blow dried my hair, not bothering to straighten it. I ran down to the kitchen, and made myself some cereal.

It just didn't feel the same. I felt like I wasn't myself anymore. I was still alive only to be alive. Only to eat, sleep, drink, breathe. I didn't do it because I wanted to. There was actually no point.

It was really hard to force the food down my throat. I wasn't hungry at all, even though I haven't eaten for about two days. I felt like I was going to he sick, but I ate the cereal anyway. I didn't want to worry my mom.

I couldn't eat it all though, so I poured the rest into the sink and put the empty bowl into the dishwasher.

I looked around my apartment.

Damn, this place needs some cleaning.

There was dust everywhere. It wasn't really messy, just a few clother all over the place. I picked those up and put them in the washing machine.

Is there anything else to do?

Yes.

I ran up to the bathroom to hide my blades. I did the same in my room. My bed, where I've been practically living since Phil left, smelt really bad.

Theres so much stuff to do. Maybe I should actually take care of myself I thought and took the bedding off of my bed and put it into the washing machine.