Dreamers

Chapter Thirty- Five

"Acceptance, tolerance, and forgiveness..." This echoed threw Jessica's mind as she lay on the bathroom floor. Her hair a tasseled mess around her. "Acceptance....Tolerance... Acceptance." She stared blankly at the ceiling her hands cradling her aching stomach. Her mind was starting to fail her along with her body. She couldn't bring herself to eat anything, yet it hurt to continue throwing up what she didn't have to expel. Looking to her side into the full length mirror that was leaned up against the wall, she examined what used to be her body. In only the small amount of time it had been since she had started getting sick her body had become weak and frail even more so the usual. She had lost so much wait and yet she retained a small pudg in her stomach confined below her rib cage yet shaped in an angel at her hips. Placing her hand over the obscure change in her figure letting her fingers lazily circle her skin. She could not explain what was happening to her nor did she care at this point it was all figurative. If Danny didn't want her she didn't want herself either. Her one soft blond hair had become dull and knotted for lack of care. Her glowing skin had dulled and her dazzling brown eyes where now red and rimed with tears. She couldn't stand to look at her self any longer it only justified his leaving to her. "Who would what someone so ...so disgusting?" She started to cry again looking away from the mirror as her thoughts attacked her again. She had completely lost control of herself and had no intention of fighting back.

***

Danny awoke to a soft body atop his, for only a moment he was lost. In the afternoon light all he could see was her Champaign blonde hair, curls somewhat faded and tussled, and lightly tanned skin. A smile touched his lips as his hands grazed across her soft shoulder. The light scent of channel drifted to his nose. Placing a soft kiss on the top of her soft blonde head he whispered.

"Morning babydoll."

His eyes widened as Amber looked up at him and he was met with bright blue eyes and a very unfamiliar face. "Shit what have I done." His thoughts proceeded him as he stared blankly at her.

"Good morning." She spoke sweetly smiling at him. "Are you hungry? I could make us something."

Danny stared at her shocked and unable to speak.

"Danny are you ok?" Amber asked sensing the tension in his body.

"No." Danny replied blatantly.

"What?" She laughed shocked. Danny starred at her for a few moments longer and then went to stand motioning her off of him. He spoke as he dressed himself in a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt."Look I... I don't know what we did her nor do I care to find out but ...." He ran his hand threw his hair. " Uhhh... I just this cant happen...."

Amber looked up at him in confusion. "I thought... Wait is this about that Jessica chick?"

"Yes actually it is, and she's not just some chick. She happens to be a lady and.... Just im sorry this was a mistake. It wont happen again, im going to have to ask you to leave."

"You still love her." Amber sat up on her knees looking at him in his panic.

"Yes." Danny breathed. "I... I love Jessica Lange. Is that what your looking for. I love her I never wanted to leave. Im insecure, and im terrified of loosing her. Im an ignorant ass hole who doesn't think before he acts. Is this what you wanted to here all my down falls, all my mistakes. Yes I love her and I royally fucked myself." He sat on the edge of the bed his head in his hands.

Amber mover over behind him placing her hands on his shoulders. "That explains a lot. Look Danny I never meant to step between you two I swear. The way Rob explained it she was out of the picture.... Danny we didn't do anything last night. You didn't cheat on her. I swear to god you rejected me. You told me you couldn't, you didn't say why. By the time we established a boundary it was already well past two in the morning.....Danny you didn't do anything, you didn't cheat."

He looked over his shoulder at her. "The fact that you are here and I brought you here. That you are naked in my bed says I did cheat. If she walked threw that door right now she would be heart broken. She would never speak to me again... and I have to explain to her how this all happened. I don't even know how this all happened."

"There is nothing to explain. This was my fault not yours I misunderstood the situation and I used it to my advantage. This wasn't your fault regardless if anything had happened."

Danny starred at the empty wall in front of him pondering his mistake. "This is my fault ... The only women who should be in my bed is Jessica, and I left her. She begged me on her knees and I walked away." He stood punching the wall next to him. "Damn it I lied to her. I promised so many times, and I broke that promise."

Amber sat at the edge of the bed watching him intently. "Don't do that... don't."

"Don't what tell the truth." He was angry now even more so then before. "Don't tell myself I was wrong, or don't let myself love her? She was the only thing keeping me above water and I pushed her away."

"That's not what I meant.... I meant don't put this on yourself this whole thing here was me not you....And what ever happened with her... well that's between the two of you. All I am saying is there is no need for you to worry about cheating because you didn't." She stood from the bed gathering her clothes from the floor. "I think it would be best if I leave now and I promise this wont happen again."

Danny watched her as she dressed and walked to the door.

"One more thing." She stopped in the door frame leaning into the door. "Go talk to her? Im sure she must miss you... If she anything like you say she is, she is worth fighting for, and I know you must be her world too." She closed the door and left without another word.