Losing Control✓ (New Adult Romance)

Chapter Eight

That night, I sit in the living room with Rebecca. The smell of popcorn and Twizzlers clouds the room, but we're both too lazy to open a window. We sit with our arms pressed against each other, both staring emptily at Rebecca's computer screen. She's been raving about this show called Grey's Anatomy, which basically captures a world in which all doctors are intensely beautiful. I twirl a piece of popcorn between my fingers, slowly debating whether I should eat it. When a dark-skinned doctor walks across the screen, I imagine Lex in his place. Lex could easily fit into the cast of Grey's Anatomy. Nobody would question his hypnotizing eyes or his muscular build.

"This is boring," says Rebecca. She snaps shut the computer screen and twists her body toward me. "You don't want to keep watching, do you?"

I glance down at the computer, where the beautiful doctors are now trapped.

"No, I should probably go study," I say.

"You and your studying," says Rebecca. She cups her hand around my wrist, her fingers easily meeting on the other side. "We should just hang out. I feel like I barely even know you."

We've only lived together for a few days, but Rebecca stares at me with such determination and such sadness, as though we've wasted years of our time avoiding each other.

"Okay," I say. I run my tongue across my teeth, and finally drop the popcorn kernel back into the bowl. "What do you want to talk about?"

Rebecca gives an relaxed laugh. "Oh I don't know, anything, really. We could talk about how annoying Elizabeth is."

"You think she's annoying?" I twist slightly to glance at Elizabeth's closed door. She's been in and out of our dorm all night, only returning to grab her purse or a snack or her computer. I can't remember if she's here or not, and the thought of her overhearing our gossip makes my skin itch.

"Oh totally," says Rebecca. She slouches into the couch and pulls her legs onto the cushion. "I mean, I really liked her at first. But, you know, she could say hi every now and then. Instead, she just completely ignores us. Acts like we're not even her friends or her roommates or anything, really. Don't you think?"

Yes.

"I don't know." I bob my shoulders. When Rebecca's lips scour together, I add. "But I am glad you aren't like that. I'd be a loner if it weren't for you."

"Well don't worry, I'm not going to ditch you for my other friends," says Rebecca, patting my wrist.

"I won't either," I say, as if I have any other friends. None of the kids in my class seemed interested in me, and I only know two people aside from Rebecca. Hopefully, Wes's fixation on me will fade. As for Lex...I haven't quite decided what I want.

Rebecca's finally pulls her hand from my arm. She takes a large handful of popcorn and filters it into her mouth. As soon as she's done chewing, she twists her face into a quirky mask and stares at me, evaluating me.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" she asks.

"Um, sure," I say. I hook my pinkies together and stare at them, instead of her.

"Are you a virgin?"

"Oh," I say, unhooking my pinkies. Still, I stare at my hands, fighting the blush from my cheeks and the fist from my throat. "Yeah, I am."

"You don't have to be embarrassed," says Rebecca. "Nothing wrong with that. I kind of figured anyway."

Now I do look at her. What is that supposed to mean?

"It's not a bad thing," says Rebecca. She latches onto my wrist once again. "Honestly, I was just curious."

"Are you?" I ask, but somehow, I know just like she knew. Maybe it's in the way she talks about virginity, like it's something of the distant past, a part engrained in history.