Losing Control✓ (New Adult Romance)

Chapter Twenty

When I wake up, Lex is still with me. He lays on the floor by the couch, eyes closed and mouth ajar with occasional snores. His hand is hooked loosely on my shoulder, his fingers stretching down toward my breast. I blink lazily and let my eyes adjust to the brightness of my dorm. Even though it's dark black outside, my room's light is still on, as is the living room's. Most of Miller Hall is quiet, but a distant beat of techno music pulses from the upper floor.

"Lex?" I whisper.

My pains have all but subsided now, leaving only the memory of a dull ache in my chest. More importantly, the panic is gone, replaced by a wavering nausea that flits in and out of my stomach.

"Lex," I say again.

His eyes flutter open, just like they do in the movies, and an instantaneous alertness crosses his face.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Much better," I say.

His shoulders loosen and he nods. "That's good."

"What time is it?"

Lex looks out the window and then fishes for his phone, squinting at it before holding it inches from his face.

"It's only ten-thirty," he says.

"At night?" I ask incredulously. "Wow. We slept for, like, eight hours."

"No, you slept for eight hours," says Lex with a laugh. "I've had a very productive day. Read a few chapters of a book on my phone, ate all the yogurt in your fridge, listened to you snore."

My face tightens as the blood draws from my cheeks. "I didn't."

Lex smiles. "Nah, I'm just kidding. That would've been cute though."

At the mention of cute, I instantly think of Lex and his shirtless guest. He probably thinks she's better than cute. Probably hot or gorgeous.

"I'm sorry for ruining your date," I say, letting my eyes drift toward the upper bunk. I can feel Lex's eyes on me, but I continue before he interrupts. "Or whatever it was. I shouldn't have gone in the first place, but I shouldn't have run away like that, making you come after me. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't a date," says Lex. I look at him, just in time to see him quirk his face in consideration. "Well, I guess it was a date...just not mine. Josie is Mike's, um, special friend."

Lex laughs softly, and I can tell he's trying to lighten the mood, but I'm distracted by the simultaneous feelings of embarrassment and relief.

"Not your date," I say slowly. "Wow, now I feel even worse."

"It's okay," says Lex. "At least now I know what to expect."

I scrunch my eyebrows and push into a sitting position.

"Expect for what?"

"Well, you obviously get jealous easily," says Lex with a natural shrug. "It's not a bad thing, but it's good to know."

Now, my cheeks are on fire. I can feel the nausea storming in my gut to the point I think I may actually puke.

"Oh gosh," I finally manage. I press both hands to my eyes, hoping it will make me invisible. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Sorry, that came out weird," says Lex. He leans toward me, close enough that I can feel his breath on my cheek. "Really, it's okay, Addie. I get jealous of you, too."

I slit my fingers, just wide enough that I can see Lex with one eye.

"Yeah?"

Lex nods, his face stoic. "I was ready to punch Wes in the face when Mike told me you two were back together." Lex pauses. "But if we're not together, neither of us have any reason to be jealous, right?"

Now I know he's testing me. He wants me to throw myself into his arms, ask to be his girlfriend, and pretend there's nothing terrifying about the possibility of falling in love. But everything about love is terrifying, something I learned the hard way with Wesley. Once it ends, something breaks inside a person, and I'm not sure that something is reparable.

"Addie?" asks Lex. "Are you—"

I touch my fingers to his mouth, silencing him immediately. My heart pulses beneath my skin, the beat traveling all the way to my fingertips. I wonder if he can feel my body racing at the touch of him.

Lex's hand moves up to meet mine, and for a moment, we are both perfectly still, our eyes studying each other with intense curiosity. I'm not sure who moves first, but my lips suddenly replace my hands, and I forget every worry that penetrated my mind. Now, there is only Lex, his sturdy hands moving from my waist to my shoulders to my face. His tongue swipes across my lower lip until I part my mouth and allow him inside. Every kiss is deepened with the flick of his tongue, pulling me closer and making me forget the need to breathe.

An uncomfortable pressure aches between my legs, ignited the moment Lex presses his lips to my ear, nibbling softly. I shift my body in one position to another, but the sensation refuses to dissipate. Finally, I let out an impatient moan that brings Lex back to my mouth. He kisses me fiercely, hard enough that my lips might bruise. I don't care if they do.

His fingers play at the hem of my shirt, his warm skin flicking against mine. He moves slowly, perhaps giving me time to protest, or perhaps trying to torture me. Then his hand slips beneath my shirt, gliding upward until he reaches my bra. He cups my breast, running his thumb over my nipple. I can feel myself squirming beneath him, and yet, desperately pulling him closer and closer with each kiss until he's almost on top of me.

His other hand inches toward the waist of my shorts. His fingers stretch down to the aching pressure, separated only by the thin layers of my jeans and panties. My body arches against his hand, my hips rocking against him. I try to keep my mouth on his, but soon, I can barely stay upright. My fingers tighten over Lex's shoulders, and I let my head drop backwards. And everything around me fades into blissful nothingness.