Losing Control✓ (New Adult Romance)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Three hours and a sketchy bus route later, I arrive back in Hayden. My sister is there waiting for me, only because I thought to call twenty minutes before I arrived. She smiles and gives me a tight hug—squeezing tight enough that I'm sure I'll puke for a second time. If she smells the vomit on my breath, she doesn't say anything.

"So how are you liking school?" asks Paige once we get into her car. "I mean, obviously not very much because you're already coming home. Did something happen?"

I shift in the passenger seat and hook my pinkies together.

"Um sort of," I say with a shrug. "I was kind of going out with this guy, but I ended it. And it just stressed me out."

"Was it Wes?" asks Paige.

"Uh, no."

"Darn, I was rooting for him," says Paige, but she shoots me a teasing smile. "So, who was the lucky guy? And why is he not so lucky anymore?"

An annoyed sigh escapes my lips.

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"You never want to talk about anything," says Paige with a groan. "C'mon, Addie. Give me something."

"Well his name is Lex," I say after a reluctant moment. "He's a really great guy: smart and funny and nice. I think he really likes me."

"And yet you dumped him?" says Paige. She eases the car to a stop in front of a red light.

I let my attention wander toward the car beside us.

"Addie?" presses Paige.

"You know why I had to," I say, finally unhooking my pinkies. I snap my gaze to Paige's face, but hers is completely flat.

"Uh, no I don't," says Paige. She squints at me, but then, the light turns green, and she looks away.

"I'm a mess," I say. "I'm depressed and anxious and wavering on anorexia."

"I thought you looked thin again," says Paige, her voice becoming serious. "Are you not eating?"

"I seriously don't want to talk about that," I say, stiffly turning away from her. "We can talk about boys, but we're not talking about my mental health."

"Well maybe we should," says Paige. "Maybe it would help."

I shoot her my best death glare until she puts a hand up in surrender.

"Fine, so you're a mess," says Paige. "And that's why? You're too scared to tell Alex?"

"It's Lex," I say. "But no, he already knows."

Even though she's not looking at me, Paige's eyebrows knit together.

"What do you mean he knows?" asks Paige. "If he knows, what's the problem?"

I let out an exasperated groan and sling my head back against the seat.

"I left Montana to get away from this stress," I say, my voice sounding rougher than I intend. "I don't want to be lectured, okay?"

"Geeze, all right," says Paige. She mumbles quietly to herself for a moment, but then, we both fall into a terribly uncomfortable silence.

Paige steers the car down the final road to our house, and for just a second, I let myself enjoy the view. Our small house is beautiful and familiar, safe. Deer walk around on knobby legs, their eyes glowing in the dim lighting. An elderly couple strolls down the street, hands intertwined, and Mr. Benson stands at his mailbox, slowly reading through his bills.

"I'm sorry," I say as we pull into the driveway. "I didn't mean to be such a jerk. I'm just feeling bad about everything."

"It's okay," says Paige with a shrug. She locks the car into park and then twists her body toward me. "But if you like this guy, which it seems like you do, I don't think you should let yourself get in the way of that."

"It's not that easy—"

"I didn't say it was easy," says Paige. "I'm just saying it's something to think about. If this guy wants to be with you, regardless of the fact you're struggling, he's probably a good guy. That's just my opinion."

"He is a good guy," I say—it's all I can think of at the moment.

"Then stop overthinking," says Paige. "Just go for it. For once, just go for it."

Paige touches my shoulder before climbing out of the car. I open my door, but for a long moment, I sit and listen to the quiet night. I know Paige is right—I know that I want to give Lex a chance, but I also know that I'm sick and scared and broken. Now, I just have to decide what's truly the best thing for me.