Losing Control✓ (New Adult Romance)

Chapter Nineteen

By the time I find Rebecca's car in the crowded parking lot, my phone has twelve text messages from Rebecca. One of them is Lex's address; the rest are encouraging words and suggestive emojis. I type the address into my phone's mapping app and slowly pull out of the parking lot. It takes me just over five minutes to get to Mike and Lex's house—not nearly enough time to digest my next actions. I jerk the car into park across from their house and give myself a final pep-talk.

"All right, you can do this," I mutter. Then, feeling stupid, I say the rest inside my head. You already know Lex likes you—this should be easy. Just tell him you do want a relationship with him. No, no, no, just start with a date. You want another date, Addie. No need to bring up relationships.

My eyes drift toward Lex's house. It's a small two-story house with green paint and cement steps. Lex and Mike live on the upper floor, right above some rude girl named Tiffany.

Rebecca: just go.

I immediately look over my shoulder, expecting to see Rebecca tailing behind me. She's not there, but her words are enough to coerce me from the car. I tiptoe across the street and shimmy between two cars that are parked in front of Lex's house. My mouth tastes like blood and my fingers are trembling, but I force myself forward. Don't think, just go.

The doorbell is cracked and broken-looking, so I rap my knuckles against the door and take a baby-step back, nearly falling down the concrete steps. For a moment, it is silent, but then an avalanche of footsteps thunder toward the door. A tall girl with pink eyeshadow answers the door, just sticking her head into the crack.

"Hello?" she asks with a giggle.

I suck in a deep breath and nearly choke on her perfume. The girl shifts slightly, and I realize she's in nothing but her bra and underwear—who answers the door like that?

"Who is it?" calls Lex, his deep voice echoing from the adjacent room. Moments later, he strolls into view, wearing a pair of sweatpants and going shirtless. I don't even have time to appreciate his lean body—my mind is too busy pairing the bra girl with Lex's half-naked body.

"Oh my God," I say before I can help myself.

"Addie?" asks Lex.

"Oh my God," I say again. I take another step backward, and this time, I really do almost fall. I catch myself on the railing at the last second.

"Addie, what're you doing here?" asks Lex. He starts to slide between the mostly naked girl and the door, but I can't stand to look at him.

I drop my eyes to the concrete and start to shuffle backwards down the stairs.

"Never mind," I say, my voice a pathetic squeak. "I have to go."

"Wait, Addie—"

I turn and run for Rebecca's car, even plugging my ears like a child to block out Lex's protests. Lex starts to jog down the steps after me, causing me to fly into panic-mode. I dive into the car, lock the doors, and peel away from the curb. My foot scarcely leaves the gas pedal for the entire ride back to campus. And my heart definitely doesn't stop ricocheting against my ribcage.

"Breathe, Addie, breathe," I say, but of course, it doesn't help. My breath continues to come in harsh pants, until suddenly, I'm hyperventilating.

I jog toward the Miller dorm building with my arms crossed tightly over my chest. A panic attack is building—I can feel it, but I have no idea how to stop it. My chest pierces with each breath, and a lightheaded sensation fills my mind. When my legs start to buckle, I realize I'm going to pass out.