Our Idiots

Chapter 22 // So Long as I Had Him

Chapter 22- So Long as I Had Him

Jellal's POV
"Hey Erza?" I whispered, staring pointedly at a tiny stain on the wall.
"Y-yeah?"
Gray had vanished down the corridor to figure out what he was going to do about Juvia, but Laxus and Mira were both watching our exchange.
"Would you like to, um, take a walk?" the words came out half choked as I forced myself to look into her beautiful eyes. My eyes flickered to our spectators, and she nodded with understanding.
"Yeah, let's."
The walk out of the hotel and to the beach seemed to take a life time, though it couldn't have lasted more than three minutes. Silence was thick around us- I wanted to break it, but seemed to have forgotten how to speak. Each beat of my heart seemed to shudder through my body, and the blood in my veins ran hotter than usual as it pulsed through me.
We stopped at the edge of the water, and I just stared out over the rippling waves with my fists clenched.
"Jellal?" Erza asked, but I didn't react. I couldn't bare the distance between us, even though it was only a few inches. I knew if I faced her I'd crumble. If I opened my mouth I'd break.
No matter what I did, I'd never be good enough. What was I thinking, bringing her here to tell her that she was the only girl I'd ever loved? My sins would never be erased. And I'd never forget that I'd hurt her, would never forget the times that still gave me nightmares. What kind of a monster was I?
"I-I'm sorry. This was pointless." The words sounded strangled, as if a demon had it's fingers wrapped tightly around my neck. I hated myself for it, for all that I'd done. How could I ever atone for my sins, how could I prove myself worthy?
"Look at me." She whispered.
And though I told myself to turn away, I had to see her again.
"Please stop it," her hand reached up and cupped my cheek. If I hadn't known better I would've sworn there were tears in her eyes.
My heart was racing.
"Please stop pushing me away. Stop torturing yourself. Jellal, I see the pain in your eyes- the belief that you'll never be worth anything, that you deserve to be punished. It's not true Jellal. It's not true."
And then a single, gleaming tear broke free and the mighty Titania let her defences drop.
"I love you." she whispered, and suddenly my racing heart seemed to still.

Erza's POV
I didn't cry. I just didn't. But everything I felt for Jellal just seemed to hit me all at once- as if the dam keeping that part of my soul safe had crumbled to nothing.
Why did he have to make this so hard?
Why did he keep doing this?
"I love you." I gasped, and I watched for his reaction. For him to say something, do something.
He just stared at me.
I just wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to let things work. I wanted him to tell me he felt how I felt. I wanted him to tell me he loved me too- but what if he didn't?
Thats what hurt the most- the not knowing. I kept letting myself hope, presume, but maybe I was the only one who wanted this.
Maybe-
His lips slammed against mine.

Jellal's POV
Erza looked so heart broken as she stood there. Her lip quivered, and her shoulders shook with barely suppressed sobs.
And it was my fault.
I'd always been so caught up in myself that I'd never stopped to really think about her. Never realised that by punishing myself, I was punishing the person I wanted to protect most of all.
The distance between us was killing me, and all of a sudden I realised it was hurting her too.
I didn't kiss her gently. It wasn't slow, it wasn't beautiful and meaningful. Everything I felt for her came crashing down at once as our lips collided.
And she kissed me back.
Her hands grabbed at the back of my neck, pulling me to her, but we couldn't get close enough.

Erza's POV
All the pain, all the loss, all the sacrifice we'd faced swirled around us- a raging storm that locked us inside an inescapable cage. Yet somehow I could cope with being trapped- so long as I had him. His hands were on my waist, and I felt his fingers digging in as we did our best to weld together.
I'd wanted this for so long, and yet I still wasn't satisfied. He pulled away, and we both gasped for air- our foreheads staying locked together.
"I'm so sorry, Erza." His voice was thick with emotion, but he hadn't needed to apologise. This moment was worth more than all the sorries in the world.
A particularly strong wave crashed close enough to shore that it washed over my ankles, soaking my sandals with salt water.
The tide was coming in, and soon we'd be up to our knees if we didn't move.
Yet we stayed.