The archive of the forgotten

The better one ~ Cruelty

I carry my bag through the halls, I don't walk on my own much anymore. It feels strange to, it feels vulnerable, but most of all it feels like the time before I knew him. I look around me, nobody is working, nobody is even beginning to desire to wake up. Honestly I am incredibly tired too, but my mind was torturing me with what ifs, and then I will always prefer running away. I walk into the laboratory and put my name on the schedule to let them know I've been here. (So they can blame me when anything goes missing.) I skip towards the bench I work at and grab my materials.
I put on my goggles and inspect the last iteration, I remove a screw and look at the filter and if it is dirty. I put it in a machine I made that technically breathes, to see whether too much would get stuck in the filter and I should design a mechanism to get rid of the bigger particles. I smile, good to know, it's easy to fix. I love that about mechanics, it's all so easy to fix, you just think about something and it's gone. I wish it was like that with humans, that I could tighten a screw, that I could remove a wire, that I could put in a new part. That I could be a shinier newer version of myself any time I wanted. The possibilities are endless. The effort minimal. I wish I was someone's invention, so I could blame them, so I could curse them out. But if I go for the most regular answer it's blasphemy, if I go for the genetical answer I need to condemn the ones I love, If I believe in free choice I am at fault, and if I don't I can't do anything about it. I will never be satisfied. And that is a fact.

A sunray illuminates the rusty iron of the old version, but it makes it look precious, almost gold. The door opens, I don't look up. I know who it is.
"Studying rather early are we Xadrian?"
I immediately look up, it's not who I thought it was. I narrow my eyes, the slicked back bun of professor Wells is the only thing I truly noticed about her. Her long skirt is the same appropriate brown as the suits of some other professors and her white blouse is simple, just simple, as plain as I imagined her face but when you look her in the eyes for the first time you realise you might have been wrong. If you'd imagine her hair a bit more relaxed she would be a beautiful lady, not to mention youthful. Her eyes are blue, but not a brilliant blue, it's more a blue you could find in nature. Somewhere deep in the woods, running along plain stones that are carved out by the sheer power of time. The greyish tint complimenting the colour. But I am only startled that she is here, and that she still does not know my name.
"It seems I am." I say, turning my head down to avoid any disrespect or another case of the 'nice' professor.
"You're a strange one, aren't you Xadrian." She says as she sits down a few tables away.
"I must inform you that saying that as one of the first remarks in a conversation is rather rude professor. Not to mention that it is not my name." I say, concentrating on my work, hoping that she will finally leave me alone.
"Oh so Xad isn't short for anything."
Right now it is short for being fucking annoyed. "No ma'am."
"You puzzle me."
As do you Professor, you shouldn't be so interested in me. And you should probably learn some manner too. "Thank you Ma'am."
"Tell me, why do you do it Xad? You're a high achiever, constantly the smartest, constantly knowledgeable, constantly learning. But you never say a word in class unless called on. Most high achievers like to show off that they know. You just.... Disappear."
"Yes ma'am" I default to, but apparently I have failed to do that. Why do I fascinate her? Because of my biting wit? Or am I an intoxicating sort of exotism? The latter seems far more logical.
"Are you going to keep answering like that?" She asks.
"Yes ma'am." I say with a smile.
"Don't worry, I will figure you out Xadrian."
I turn around "You know what, I will just tell you ma'am, hopefully you will stop bothering me then. I am a control freak, I don't like losing, I like being better than others, even when they are superior by default. Because they just happen to have blonde hair and blue eyes." I narrow my eyes at her "Can I be honest with you ma'am? I smile to myself sometimes, they are better by default, I am better because that's the truth. And about not talking in a lesson, that's my business, I don't like talking, doesn't mean I am shy, self-conscious, and awkward. On the contrary actually. Not to mention I do not need to make anybody more aware of my existence than they already are. It is my business if I want to act dumb to trick someone into trusting me. And I do all of this so eventually people will not be able to tell me to sit down anymore, because I could just as well tell them to sit down and have a better worded reason for it. So.... Is your mystery solved Ma'am. Will you bother someone else now?" She walks away "Thank you Ma'am, it was such a pleasant talk!" The sarcasm drips from every word like honey that has been spilled. But she does leave me alone, for a moment I am not in the mood to consider consequences.