The archive of the forgotten

The better on ~ belonging to doubt

The food, delicious and still hot is waiting for us as we enter the room once more. We sit down and I stare at my plate wondering what could possibly be important enough to bother me with it. (not that I can't be bothered. I am a bother most times so I must be able to be bothered)
"I'd like to announce that Eliana is visiting us once more." Sostrate says excitedly.
"Seriously? How long is she staying?" Thrjel groans in response.
"About a week or two, we will see." She says excitedly. "This time her mother won't accompany her. Which is a shame, but we should be happy with what we got..."
"We got an obnoxious know-it-all living here for a week, I can't be happy with that."
"You guys have a know-it-all living with you all the time." I say with a chuckle.
"But you're not obnoxious xad, she is a real snob." Thrjel answers while taking a swig of wine.
My face drops. "She's an Awnlund?"
"Of course." Sostrate says as she pours a glass of wine. I grab it and take a big sip, my eyes seem to turn unfocused while they keep talking.

I wonder how the people I love can willingly invite evil into their home. But then again, they have never seen the evil, it has just been told, and only imagining blood dripping down your forehead whilst sweat mixes with it, stinging more than the exhausted muscles of your shoulders is far less real than feeling it. It might even be a lie to them, or a truth they willingly close their eyes for. Because who wouldn't when children die, when they kill you at the exact same place where you should be getting your food, where you are shot still clutching the loaf of bread, and do you have another choice but prying it from those cold dead hands to survive? No. So you will have to make good use of it, you will forever remember the metallic taste of death soaking through it like the wine the disciples would dip their bread in.
I am no longer safe. I look up and Thrjel is smiling, expecting a laugh from me. I just nod. I cannot believe this, and I cannot blame anyone but my home, my safety net, my light in the dark is invaded by the very thing I am frightened of. And somehow I don't like knowing that the people I love don't understand that.

The sunrise is upsetting now that I know that a threat can be here at any moment. The security that has sheltered me here has been torn apart. A threat, what exactly is that? I don't know, supposedly it is something that releases adrenaline into your bloodstream. But my body doesn't know the difference between coming close to death and a harmless snobby girl. I stare at the air, wondering why we cannot see it, and if it would make a difference if we could. Perhaps we would be more aware of how fortunate we are to live and breathe. It's a silly thought.....but it disctract from thoughts that are the opposite.
The wind makes my hair dance as it tries to do the same with the tears on my face. The branch I am sitting on sings with the wind as the green leaves expel the same smell as a freshly mowed lawn. I wonder when I will finally resign enough that I will be able to float. Just like the air, just like the wind. The humming reminds me of the sea, everything in nature can be alike when we look for it.
I stare at the bevy of deer, the young one jump through the fields, making fountains of the dew that is left in the electric green of the grass. They must be young, they must not even know that they should be afraid of humans yet. They still believe in kindness, how naive those beautiful beasts are. The dark brown of their skin looks as soft as the last hug from your mother before you leave the country, the mothers that pay attention to their young seem to be worried. Their ears up, and their beautiful dark eyes wide, of course they're nervous. They know the cruelty of the world. The complete devoid of sounds almost makes it feel like a vacuum. I finally understand how Thrjel could hide from the problems of the world, here everything seems fine, the world looks like it is in tune. But the difference is that even though the deer will have fun and remember this time for their whole life, they are not aware that someone is slowly loading their rifle to make an end to it. I already know that there are hunters, and I cannot ignore it, but I am only a deer. I cannot warn my herd, I am no dog, I am no fox, I do not have teeth. Or at least not yet.