The archive of the forgotten

the better one ~ the pain

Days go by more slowly when you're in pain. You need more sleep, and your body will get it, no matter how, you can hardly concentrate, you can hardly trust you body. I hate that the most. I walk towards the door of the cellar of the school, today it's my turn to clean it and I can't help but dread it. How much pain can my body stand? I guess we must find out one way or another. I turn the heavy keys of the door that should have had a replacement a long time ago. I open it with the signature squeak, I could even sing the same tone by now. The creaky rotting wooden stairs are waiting for me to descend, I try to turn on the lightbulb. But it doesn't work, just as I expected, so I light the oil lamp and venture into the room, the cobwebs look for places to attach themselves and my nose needs to get used to the damp smell of mould. I wonder who was the last one with this duty, because they didn't do a great job. If it is one of the juniors I won't mind, I have been frightened of this old room too, you have about four room on different height. All of them equally damp, equally frightening, equally dark and equally dusty. It always smells likes something died in there and it reminds me a bit of the rooms I used to live in when I lived on the street. There's an unhealthy nostalgia in there, I want to grab my bucket when I suddenly see it's no longer there. I could've sworn I had a bucket, I hear something moving and I immediately turn around. I put the mop against the wall and see a shadow shooting into the other room.
"Kuon?" I exclaim, my hoarse voice stopped by the disgusting taste of the musty air. I run into the other room, the green walls must've been white at some point. But not even the best cleaner could change that. I follow the sudden movements, shadows and sounds. Until I arrive at yet another door, I don't remember this door, but I don't have to remember it to open it. The darkness is so absolute than even my oil lamp cannot penetrate it easily. I tilt my head and narrow my eyes, I can't see anything but my own shadow. I walk into the room and stumble over my bucket, the water spills out onto the grimy floor. I follow the water with my eyes when the colour suddenly changes, it's almost black, that's not black xad.... I hold up the lamp higher and it illuminates the room. The air is knocked out of my lungs when I see myself bleeding from my head. His loathsome face white and ghostly, the blood his only accessory. A fox is licking up his blood as if it's the only food it has had in ages, I want to take a step closer when the fox looks at me. Its black eyes bore through my heart and his lips start to snarl when I feel a hand on my shoulder I turn around and lift my fist.

"Wow you wake up spectacularly." Thrjel says with a chuckle.
I shake my head "Sorry, I've had nightmares since that day.... I can't get any peaceful sleep. I think it's the pain."
He sits on the bed "Yeah, about that..." He grabs a bottle from his pocket. "My mum says that this'll help." He gives it to me, I stare at it and sigh.
"No... Thrjel, I..."
"What is it Xad?" He asks, his head tilts in his normal way.
"I can't accept this. I am sorry." I put the pills on the bed and put on my blouse. I don't think I'll try napping again any time soon. I don't tuck it in, grab my shoulder bag, and walk out of the room, I can't help but walk fast, the pain in my back is pushing me forward.
"Xad listen." Thrjel exclaims as he jogs towards me. I keep walking, descend the first flight of stairs, then the second. "It's just painkillers. There's nothing wrong with it, if your body needs it, it deserves it."
"it doesn't work like that Thrjel." I say as I leave the school and sit down on one of the picnic tables, avoiding eye contact. "I really appreciate the gesture. But I cannot accept it."
"Why Xad? You're in pain."
I sigh and looks down. I can't explain it, I don't know if I really get it myself either.

Cyaren walks up to me, he's holding up his hand and crying.
"Oh little man, what happened?" I ask as I look at the cut, I can't help but gasp a bit.
"I.." He sobs "I cut my hand on the fence. It hurts Xad, make it better." His youthful eyes look at me as if I have some god given knowledge about pain.
I chuckle "I can't make it better, if something hurts. It'll hurt."
He sobs and nods. "So you can't do anything?" he stares at the gash.
I shake my head "Do you want to try the burning method or stitches?" I ask as I get my sewing kit from my bag.
"Stitches..." he says as he sits down.
"Excellent choice young man!" I say with a smile and clean the needle.