The archive of the forgotten

The better one ~ too resilient

The weeks of the exam have been stressful. And as if study stress isn't enough I have heard whispers around me when I pass people, I wonder if they have some foolish idea of who I might be. I can no longer be inconspicuous, people know me, life leaves the choice to me if it is good or bad. But even if it is good to be known, it'll bother me. But thankfully my mind is helpfully numbed by the exams. I got some of my colour back, and perhaps some of my spirit too. Every time we finish an exam Thrjel looks to me, his stress finally wiped from his face and his smile present again, till we need to go back to learning for the next test.
I put my pencil down, I just finished the last one. The one about the culture of Awnlund, my handwriting on the finished paper is messy and chaotic, I don't care about this one, even if I should. I know I got a good grade but I also know that I will never spend any other minute looking at the glorious history of a country soaked and bejewelled with blood of my people.
I open my book, it's about the ecosystem of Fianlynd but I know that half of the things mentioned in the book have been either imprisoned or do not exist here anymore, we were even robbed of the animals that concluded my childhood. I sigh and look at the sun shining into the classroom full of students that will forever be unsure about their answers. The burning of the star far far away makes me envious. I lean against the back of the chair and straighten my own back, my face relaxes with certainty of freedom.

"Pencils down." The professor calls out and all the students listen, we all know full well that if you dare to even finish a last word your exam might be considered unlawful. Thrjel sighs deeply and stares at the paper as the professor removes it from his desk.
"I thought you would know a lot about Awnlund, after all you were raised with its history." I say with a chuckle.
He bites his lip "I might have been overconfident."
"Aren't you always, my dimwit?"
"Since when am I confident?" He says, as if confidence is the worst thing in the world.
"I never said that! I was insinuating that you had no reason for confidence." I answer with a smirk.
"Is that worse?" He asks and I stare at him, wondering if he is acting dumb or really that his tool hasn't been sharpened in thirty years. But his laugh replacing his overly serious face reassures me. "You're so gullible!" He exclaims.
I groan. "I'm not gullible, I just think you're dumber than you are. Not to mention I might be gullible because I trust you blindly." I cross my arms and look the other way.
"That's the greatest compliment I have ever received from you Xad." He pats me on the back.
I shake my head "Perhaps you should write it down."

We walk out of the classroom and pass the burnt down room, the sun shines expectantly through the damaged roof, winking to me as if he wants to thank me. Or maybe that is my ego speaking.
"At least you made a beautiful skylight.... You should go into architecture." He jokes as we stare at it blinking dimly in unison.
We hear some people whispering behind us but apparently they're not very good at is because I can very clearly understand each word they're saying.
"I bet he skinned some pets when he was a kid." I hear someone say and I remember the thrashing motions of my cat as it breathed in the dirty water. I feel a tear in my eye and sigh, trying to calm myself down.
"I know right! He must be an absolute psychopath." My nails dig into my scars and something is burning in my throat, and this time it isn't alcohol. Would I happen to still have something flammable left? Maybe the boy's hair is dry and catch fire easily.
"We shouldn't talk like that boys." Another says and I am thankful that at least one of them has the guts to speak up. "He is too dangerous."
I turn around and stare at them for a second before smiling and saying "Boo."
One of them puts his arms in front of the others. "Do not provoke him." He says quietly.
I chuckle and nod "I am not an animal, love. Unlike you with your prim and proper curls resembling a little lamb. Tell me where is your mumma, does she need to save you from the big bad wolf?" I say looking him up and down, his blonde curls beautifully arranged into things resembling spirals, his green eyes staring sheepishly at me, wondering whether to be frightened or insulted. I smile and go one "in a normal world the wolves eat the sheep, without any guilt, without any problem. And the sheep can only accept that they're doomed."
The boy pumps up his chest with air to look as if he has some ounce of bravery "Then why can't you eat me dear wolf?"
"Because they pulled out my teeth and I will admit that. And you are incredibly lucky that your farmer has a gun that scares us. But trust me" I lean in and dig my hand in my hand in my pocker, I hover above the beautiful boy looking down on his small frame "One day the silend ones will be the army chorus, one day the underdogs will be wolves once more, and sheep will be herded again." I smile and grab my lighter out of my pocket, the flame dangles in front of his face as I run my fingers through. "Now run, little lamb." I whisper and all the boys follow my advice.