iridescent :: tyler joseph

fourteen

"You don't have to force yourself to come if you don't want to." Jason spoke softly into the speaker. It was nice to talk to him without screaming or having to suffocate in tears.

"Yes I do, she's in a coma."

"She'll wake up, Vanessa," he replied. I could picture him tapping his forefinger against his temple; a habit he picked up from my father. "I know she will. This has happened before."

I sighed, running a hand through my curls. "But what if she doesn't? Do I really want to take that chance?"

"I'll send you the hospital information but don't stress yourself out over it. Like you said, she wouldn't do the same for you."

His words stung but I knew they were true. I had no right to be mad at him for repeating what I said.

I nodded and Jason and I exchanged goodbyes, making me even more eager to hang up.

I pressed the phone to my chest, a heavy sigh escaping my lips. As if on cue, Tyler opened the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around his neck. He wore the same clothes we've been rocking for the past few days and his hair was damp from his quick shower.

"You okay?" he asked, wearing a peaceful expression. I nodded as he sat down next to me on the messy bed.

"Yeah, I just got off of the phone with my brother. My dream made me want to call him back."

"Oh," Tyler responded, playing with a defused curl. It reminded me that I needed to re-dye my hair soon; the colorful pink now faded into a depressing, strawberry blonde.

"How's Josh?" I asked, tracing patterns on his exposed kneecap.

"He's home now, healing I guess." he chuckled. I sat up to kiss his warm cheek just because I could.

"We need to get home," he hummed, gently kissing my forehead. I nodded, his plush bottom lip brushing against my temple.

We grabbed what little we brought, leaving the cheap room. We discussed a stupid dream Tyler had last night as we passed the sleeping receptionist.

Once we got in the car, Tyler's eyes had grown from ecstatic to worried.

"Bri, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied, resting my cheek against the cold window. I didn't want to stress Tyler out with my depressing thoughts so I thought I'd just keep them to myself. "why?"

"You seem a little off." he replied. I let out a sigh of frustration.

I wanted to tell Tyler. I wanted to spill everything. I wanted him to know about my mom and my sadness and my dark thoughts, but I didn't want him to leave.

"I'm just irritated in these clothes." I lied, thinking of the only thing that was different about today.

"Then take them off." he teased. I wish I could shove him and laugh, but I just couldn't today. All I could do was stare at the highway in front of me. "I'm kidding."

The car ride was silent for a while and I felt miserable. My thoughts were eating me away like ants and it was starting to show. My eyes were heavy with restrained tears and my throat tight.

Suddenly, Tyler pulled off onto an exit. I wanted to ask him what was up, but I couldn't speak at all.

Tyler pulled into a Target, leaving me confused.

"Wait here." he said, kissing my cheek. I didn't realize how much that would've helped until his soft lips were gone. I needed him with me, but I didn't know how to ask.