iridescent :: tyler joseph

seventeen

I had been here for five days and the pain of my mother's loss was finally dissolving from my heavy chest.

Losing her was like losing a long lost relative; wishing you got to be closer to them before they decided to leave the face of the world.

I didn't feel like I lost my mother. It was probably because I never felt like I had one.

For the past few days, I haven't been able to eat. I felt sick to my stomach constantly at the fact that I didn't try hard enough to make our relationship better.

I ended up resorting to staying at a hotel instead of with Jason, because we got into an insane argument.

One night, I walked into the bathroom to find him on the floor, covered in stale alchohol and cigarette ashes.

I tried to help him up but he physically pushed me away.

He screamed at me for a solid half hour, making me feel like shit.

He made me feel like it was my fault.

I couldn't take this damn town anymore and I desperately wanted to go home but I physically couldn't move from my hotel room.

I felt empty.

I missed Tyler with everything I was and I wanted to see him. I missed his lips and his raspy voice and his arms around my trembling waist.

I finally pulled myself together enough to give him a call.

"Bri," he gasped as soon as he picked up. His fuzzy voice immeadiatly soothed my rough anxiety.

"Tyler," I replied.

"Where are you?" he asked. "I need to see you."

"I'm in my hometown," I answered, sitting up on my messy bed. "it's 3 hours away."

"Right," he replied. I wanted to be with him so badly. "how's your mother doing?"

"She's dead." I replied, no emotion in my voice. All of my sadness had been stripped from me and I felt like a shell.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Bri!" he cried. I just shrugged, not really wanting any sympathy.

"It's okay, she was dead to me long before this week."

Then he did that cute thing where he let out a light, breathy chuckle that sounded like it came from his nose. I didn't understand how he did it, but he made me feel something.

He made me feel safe.

I was in a hotel room in a not-so-safe part of town by myself, three hours away from him, but I felt like he was right next to me.

"When are you coming home? I need you."

"I'm right here," I replied. He sighed heavily.

"You know what I mean. I need you here in my arms. I miss your cute laugh and your stupid pink hair and your lips-"

"I'm leaving right now." I told him.

It was true, I had already started to pack.

I'd rather be cuddled into his side than crying in a hotel room alone.

"No, don't leave because of me. God, I'm so selfish, I'm sorry-"

"Tyler, chill," I chuckled. It felt really good to laugh. "this place isn't helping at all and I miss you too much to be away from you."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone as I started to gather my things and plce them messily into my duffel bag.

"Come straight to my place and you can stay the weekend." he suggested, sounding more like an order.