Hello August, Please Be Good To Me

Chapter 24: Violets Are Black

My brother broke up with his girlfriend. Or rather, it was "mutual". Actually I don't even know, and as the horrible person I feel like for saying this, I really don't care. I don't even have enough fingers or toes to count how many flings and relationships Danté has had since he started high school. He's resilient. He'll bounce back. He does every time. While I'm humming to myself, in my happy bubble, pouring milk into a bowl of cereal, Danté comes in and heads straight for the refrigerator. "Morning," I chirp, but I don't get a response. Instead, I watch as he grabs an apple and my eyes travel up to his eyes which are red rimmed, and dead. Like he didn't sleep...or was crying. He quickly heads back to his room before I can ask, and I'm glad for it because what would I say? What could I say?

It's the weekend, and Justin's at work, so I take the day to go in the room and work on my building sketches some more. I'm so engrossed in shading; I don't hear the quiet knock on my door. When I finally do turn around I'm annoyed at being disturbed, but what's really disturbing is how Danté leans in the doorframe, arms crossed, silent. His short locs are tied back with a rubber band, and his stance and his light eyes remind me of a tiger in the wild, and I shake the thought away so I don't go following after it. "Can I help you?" I ask finally, when he doesn't say anything. More silence. Alrighty then. Just as I turn my head back to my book I hear, "You know, you think you really know a person..." I don't move, afraid to break this spell. It's best if I don't say anything and let him talk I figure. Wherever this is going. "Then you even convince yourself it's love," his voice is just above a whisper, but I hear him just fine. If I hear the word love one more time used in this type of context...I tighten my grip on my pencil to keep quiet.

"And you know something is off, and something tells you its bull shit, but when your girl says everything's good, you believe her. Right?" When I turn back to Danté he's looking to me for an answer, and I'm so confused I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Right." I hope I sound convincing. I am the older one between us, but because Danté's so close to my age, the lines frequently blur. "And you want to think of the best of people, even when your boys tell you that girl is playin with ya." As general as Danté tries to make it sound, there's no issue in seeing that he's really talking about himself.

It takes me a minute to realize that this is me and Danté's come to Jesus meeting. Well, maybe something close to it. As tough as my brother is, and as smooth and carefree as he can be, it's rare that he comes to me with his problems. His eyes are still red and i wait for the teardrops to fall but they never do. They come so close but never leave the corners of his eyes, and I get jealous. When I cry I cry, and it's uglier than hell, and when I try to suffocate the sounds I just sound like a choking victim. But Danté just stands there and except for the hurting look on his face, he looks rather composed for a guy who just broke up with his girlfriend who he caught cheating. Those types of people I will never understand.

Why are you still in a relationship with someone you don't like seeing someone else you claim to like? Stupid. I look up at Danté thinking about why exactly I don't even put myself in those kinds of situations. It's better in the movies. Much better. There's conflict where there's supposed to be conflict, and happy endings where there's supposed to happy endings. For the movies I that don't fall under that formula...I just don't watch them. Suddenly I think of Justin and I start grinning like a maniac before I remember. I quickly wipe the grin off my face and try to look serious again, but the damage is done. Danté quickly looks over my head, but I know he saw the look in my face. It's why he left the table on taco night. I open my mouth to say reassuring but he abruptly leaves the room and I start to question the concept of love again.

Cassie and Danté, little I know (knew?) about their relationship, and less about Cassie, it occurs to me that it's been Danté's longest relationship. In the back of my mind, it always seemed like Cassie was always there, always would be there. It's quite weird. And sad. And frightening.
I text Justin, inspired by my brother's abrupt openness.

I'm worried about us.

Justin's response is immediate, even though he should be working.

Worried?? Why?

I pause, thinking of an answer that fits what's on my heart.

I just mmm I just well my brother broke up w/ his gf

I leave out the details on cheating; my blood starts to boil a bit and I have to bite my lip to keep it from quivering so much..

Oh

oh??

Lryic, babe, sorry for not sounding like a care but....?

I know he's wondering what us and my brother have in common. We're on the same page. I lose my nerve.

Nvm, yeah it's ok

U sure?

yep. I've distracted you loooong enough

Haha, ain't nobody here

I don't respond, knowing I am in fact distracting him, and that some poor customer must be waiting for their cinnamon roll. But Danté's broken heart starts to become a dark black back drop against my new romance. They say don't compare yourself to others, but what else do I really have to reference?