Hello August, Please Be Good To Me

Chapter 41: 3 Words For You

Sierra is talking to me again, and to celebrate we're at none other than Panda Buffet. "So I'm guessing I'm forgiven," I say smugly as my cousin comes from the buffet line. "I'm guessing you should guess again." I'm just about to throw my used napkin at her when she holds up her chopsticks as a shield. "Kidding! Just kidding!" I throw my napkin anyway. "That's what I thought," I munch into my egg roll while she tries to compose herself. "So how was the date?" She asks after a while. I can tell she's been waiting a length of time before springing the question on me. "What date?" I mock confusion, but Sierra doesn't crack a smile.

"You play too much."

"Fine, fine," I hold my hands up in surrender.

Then I take another bite of my food just to annoy Sierra. "We went bike riding, ate some chocolate covered food, saw downtown, got some stuff from the food trucks, ate that too," I talk in a deadpan voice but it doesn't stop Sierra from getting excited. "Oh my God, that is soo sweet, I want a boyfriend!" I snicker. "You act like you've never had one," and instantly Sierra's faraway gaze hardens.

"Stop bringing Brandon up!"

"You hear that? You said his name, I didn't!"

It's still amazes me how we have yet to get kicked out of places where we're together. We always end up disturbing the peace, someway, somehow. Sierra can't help it. "I want a boyfriend like Justin," she tries instead and I take a sip from my Coke to hide my smile. "And I want to tell Justin I love him." Hearing my own words out loud makes me giddy and instead of surprised, I feel like I'm ready. It's a good feeling. Sierra acts as if I've just struggled to read the time. "Wow, and it only took you forever," she smirks, and I don't have anything else to throw at her. "I'm pretty sure he knows it anyway," Sierra turns her attention to her tablet, reading yet another book. What is she, a walking library? "Right. Sure...no not really," I stammer. Sierra looks up me slowly.

"I just realized I'm not scared anymore," I place my cheek in my hand and stare back at my cousin.

"Justin should be very happy."

"Hahaha, okay then."

"Yep he just might get lucky too. I told him..."

"You told him what?" I cut her off. Sierra is suddenly very interested in book, and I lose interest in my food. "Sierra, I saw you taking to him outside," I begin, and then I hits me: what the hell did they say to each other? I sit there without moving, every once in a while her eyes flutter up and catch me still looking at her. Finally she gives up. "It's not bad," she sighs. I cross my arms. "Well if it isn't bad, the go ahead and pull me in the loop." Sierra chews on her lip, and I start to worry. Usually she's blunt as heck, not really caring about my feelings in the moment, and claiming it's for my own good. "I may have told him that you were in a bad relationship before...and it's left you emotional scarred...and you're afraid to get to close to people." I could throttle her and then arrest myself and plead guilty in court. That's a whopper if I've ever heard one. "You what?" I whisper fiercely. "It seemed to work...yay...?" Sierra is absently sliding her thumb across the tablet screen. "Bad relationship? Bad relationship? Bad. Relationship. What kind of bull is that? You know I've never dated anyone!"

"Yeah, well um it wasn't supposed to be the truth."

"That's the problem!"

There's no telling what Justin thinks. And I'm too embarrassed to even set the record straight with him. I don't even know Sierra's calling my name until I lift my head up. "You finish?" I ask. "Huh?" I point at her near empty plate. "Done?" I ask again, softly. "Yeah...Lyric okay I'm sorry. I see now that wasn't the greatest idea." I stop listening and stack our plates on top of one another so we can leave. What if Justin think's I'm still hung up on some non-existent boy? If I tell him I love him now, will he believe me? Sierra doesn't give up, still trying to apologize in the car while I take her home.