Hello August, Please Be Good To Me

Chapter 42: In My Mind

We're sitting on the couch at Justin's house, taking part in one of my favorite pastimes, while my mind takes part in trying to stay the heck awake. Last night was rough and I for the first time ever I didn't sleep at all, from the minute I hopped into bed to the second the birds outside my window started chirping at five in the morning. It's beyond my understanding. I got the uncomfortable pit in my stomach and lay crouched in a fetal position for forever. "Lyric, I thought you wanted to watch this?" My eyes shoot open and I sit up. Justin is leaning over the arm of the couch looking slightly bored. Frankly I don't know what we're watching, and I rub my eyes and stifle a yawn. "Sorry, I'm kinda tired," I play it off, and shake the cover I was underneath off. Finding the cups in the cabinet, I go over to the refrigerator and hit the crushed ice button, and then the cubed one. Half of the time when I come over now, I get ice just because I can and it's too much fun to play with. But now I just need something cold that will help me stay awake.

Justin comes up from behind me. "You look like you didn't sleep at all," Justin observes and I shrug. "Ehh, it was something I ate," I look at Justin and stop mid-sentence. I can't even finish, and face away from him. "Sometimes I can't sleep at night," I whisper. I feel his arms wrap around me and feel the slight pressure of his chin on top of my head. "Everything I can push back during the day, everything I don't want to think about? It's like it comes back worse when it's night. And it's not even nightmares. I can deal with nightmares. At least I'm asleep for those." I take a deep breath in, getting a whiff of Justin's smell. It's nothing extraordinary, yet nice, and comforting.

"You talk in your sleep," I feel his voice rather than hear it. "I what?" I twist around so I'm facing him again. "Well, you just kept saying no over and over again. I thought you were awake but then you got quiet." I chew on this. At least nothing else came out of my mouth. Since when do I sleep talk? The heat of my hand has turned my ice into cold water. I place it on the counter behind me and look Justin in the eyes. "My cousin means well, most times. Hmm, sometimes, but don't believe another word she says to you." He gives me a blank stare, and I lean in and kiss him. I pull back, remembering that Oliva is still in the house somewhere. "She's out back; she's not coming in anytime soon." Suddenly I don't feel tried at all but physically weary, and I cave gratefully into Justin's embrace.

It's nothing like the experience I had just a month ago. Then I was unaware and floating. Maybe even a little unsure. Now my senses are on high alert and it's an exhilarating feeling unlike anything else. I find the edge of Justin's shirt and slip my hand underneath. The warmth of his chest is nice on my hand, and I begin to trace what wasn't noticed before. "You've been working out." It comes out muffled because my mouth is otherwise preoccupied. I feel the vibrations from his laugh, and the corner of his lips twitch on my mine, making me melt inside.

This is truly better than plowing through a bar of chocolate, and I thought nothing could live up to that. I groan escapes my lips, and for once I don't let it scare me. I don't let this scare me. It's like a sudden addiction and when Justin breaks from me it's like someone has stolen all the oxygen. I almost struggle to pull him back in. "Lyric," he sounds out of breath. "Yes..?" I sound out of breath too. "Are you sure about this?" It's like we've been through the motions before, the difference being that the only missing clothes on either of us is Justin's shirt and my socks. It's truly mind over matter as I fight myself on what to do next. Should we keep going? Am I ready now?

"No. Let's stop." I slump over on Justin and his breathy laugh makes me almost reconsider. He picks me up bride-style and takes me back to the couch. Exhaustion is winning the battle and as Justin smooths some of my hair away from my face, I whisper confidently, "I love you," and nod off.

I probably don't sleep for long. It's only two fifty, if that wall clock near me is accurate. Or is the hand on the one? I rub the sleep from my eyes and notice that Justin is gone, and it's just me on the couch. I hear voices and grow still so I can listen better. My attention is caught by a roach, which sits on the floor, flailing its legs in the air because it's on its back. I definitely don't move. Then it flips over and I freak out. Since when do bugs like this flip over so easily? It scurries beneath the entertainment center beneath the TV. It comes out again, this time bigger, and I wonder if it's going to come over to me. No sooner do I wonder does it start scurrying in my direction. I glace at the clock again and now it reads six thirty on the dot. I run into the kitchen to where the voices are but as soon as I turn the corner, there' s no one there. "Hello?" My voice has a weird echo and now I'm all sorts of confused and angry.

"Lryic...Lyric..." I hear someone call my name, and with a jolt I realize I was just dreaming. "Oh, just let her sleep." That comes from Oliva, and I can't help but smile. I open my eyes and Justin is smiling right back at me. "Fine Olivia. I guess I'll help you make the s'more pie myself." I stir quickly, holding on to Justin's shoulder to keep him close. "I want to help," my voice comes out hoarse and I cough it out. "I'm up, I'm up," I say slowly sitting up.